He's Just..

The right person in right place. That is the best conclusion for now. My effort in doing some plans needs to be delay. It's not about the plan. The plan is surely amazing and surprising. I am thinking about it everyday. But the decision still not come from me. Allah control all my plans in the end. No matter how perfect it is. Allah love me more if the situation its just different from what I want and plan to.

Simple thing, because I don't find the right person. Well OKAY, world still running, passion still waiting, the sun still there for a while. Its just a while situation. Nothing would last forever. Even when being lonesome warrior to get happy. It's because also he's just not.... the right person.

Just like a movie, the unplanned man will come and see who can finish my plan with happy ending forever. The guy who is in to me. Both of us we will find the way.

Heii its supposed to be sad story with some sentimental music score. Since I know... Allah loves me with his way, so just stand up and walk through when the "he's just not that in to you" scene comes in.

In the end, I will find my man:)) >_<

Sun of Faith

Everyday is sunshine. Yeah rainy day come, sure the storm pass by. But you know.... if sunny stay in your heart and mind, weather change is nothing, no matter how extreme. Sun, sunny as the strong power. What is your sun in your life. Mine is just simple word: faith. I am in love always, with the faith.

Once upon a day on my life scene, I was thinking differently. Then it brought me to the stage of numb mix with guilty feeling. Like a real drama, I find my faith. Up to now, this second... I get super mind set, goal and orientation. It is the Sun in my life.

Never finish to find your faith. But you must race with the time. Faith should be stronger, unlike time which always fade away. Never had, never seen a good harmony between faith and time. They just two different character. Pushing the faith harder, you go stronger. But pushing the time harder, you getting lose it.

Just keep the faith stronger. Faith about the creator. Then it will lead you to any power you never think before.

"I just enter my forever will, it hasn't perfect yet, but the faith about it always perfect! "
In line for a partner

Advice Breakfast

I am enjoying reading Steve Harvey's book : Think Like a Man, Act Like a Lady. I taught it was about business area,doh since I don't really familiar with Harvey. Anyway, its bunch of man point of view about relationship which a woman should learn. It really helpful haha hah. I know now why man think like this, why man like this. One of the point that I interest is how man will wait someone who worth enough to get. From that text, I feel, seem soul mate is something that accidentally happen but deep down it is planned.

Then on my swimming lesson today, in some break, my tutor, said some taught. In the end, when they old, husband and wife they will go separately. They lonely also. Really? Then she explained other... it is wrong when a woman marry a man only to get some money and never done any socialization anymore. A woman is also human who need actualize herself and contribute to society. Its a big mistake to make limitation to woman after the marriage. It is hardly accepted too since its not a sin to giving something useful to other. Woman and man in marriage also a lifetime partner that should have their own personal mission, they support each other.
And the tutor still talk, when you are single and you are in society based should marriage age, get some life, work hardly, and you wont get the stigma from the east society. In eats society, woman should marry fast, young. I am thinking, fast and young sounds instant. There are no process it self. The tutor keep saying, soul mate it should not be find, but should come by naturally. Not too worry about this matter she said...
Then my other friend shout : "Yeah! I am not alone.. " She told us in her office people keep referring her as single who look for husband, in the other hand-either left or right hand :p ,herself is just enjoy being single. NO worry !

Hmm soul mate will naturally come by but never stop to have a wish , I think that's the wisest taught. The Al Mighty will hear prayer and send the answer, now and later.

Ouch ... I think I will continue my swimming lesson since I get free life lecturer :p She guarantee she know more than I do about a free woman...

Simple Day, Big Blessed

Its just usual morning. Then came afternoon. Then the surprise begin. I just thinking about some relation and the connection with my future, but there is story of friend who shocked me. Her story much or less just like me. We both missing a partner in life. We both looking for the best. But we try to keep reality and logical thinking through this emotion episode. It seem Allah lead me to her. So I know her story and I can think and get the lesson how to defeat the emotion and nafs-lust trough the realism world.

We are woman often to be impulsive. Man are created in fragile feeling called love. Its always be blind no matter how the bright sunshine. I am typical person has A-Z plan in making some decision. I am also will imagine many preventive solution, tough the problem actually not happen at all. But just in case... Because many love stories landed in my ear which broken my heart as women. I just too many listening my friend's story about the love which never be the barakah love, even the marriage just so ruin until had to be ended.
I keep one thing in my mind across my heart. Faith. Have positive thinking to Allah. And everything will clear. As the fast answer from Allah after I ask something I can't decide anymore by myself.
If everything with Allah's will, take care the process in Allah's way, nothing will ever defeat the sweet being in good way. I tell her to keep her feet on ground, tough some parts of dreams seems so good to be true in her relation. Keep Allah's in her pray and way, in case anything bad happen.

If we involving Allah in every time of our life, every aspects of our mind, we just get the best blessed only. There's no lose or fault even misery if we do it .

Just a simple story, I got invitation, my heart scream with whom I should go to an event which I even had bike to ride on in the event, then Allah lead me to another friend. Some how, in sudden. One of the bless involving Allah in your life. Simple thing, but because I think its not small case, its big thing If I am not able to grateful for such easiness, I tend to forget the rest of Allah's gift.

End Stream

They all gather in a room. They shares, the have hope for the generation. I had the access to be important piece from the big puzzle. But I feel terrible. I am gonna cry. Cry, its an option if there is chance for. I chasing after something for my life. My passion. My personal passion. I am gonna miss them all and their hope. I can not promise anything ... but I will do my obligation. The best as I could. Not about the job or money, for the sake of them. But if one day I should leave all, something that I enjoy, such this enjoyable, I don't know what to say.
One thing I could promise is.... I will do the best for all of you dear parents.

Maybe I will fight in other side. There is always end of something. Later I will accomplished my mission. To make the world view my point of view and everybody - the special every body could enjoy my works. Everybody, including you my special students.

End Stream is just a start. Happy ending novel that I made through Indonesia's publisher. Its my first step. My beginning. I am going to be serious for this. I am. Alhamdulillah Allah ArRahman, I meet my passion earlier. Blessed me in this choice, let me die while doing the passion.

Amin, ya mujibassailin.


It is your life, it is always your life, but people make your life as live.
-Lanee-

ApriLove , April Fool

Who said being human is easy?

You should know love. Then nurture it, grow with it, have loyal about it. Love is sometimes make human so unhuman. Make human to hurt, kill one another, each other to be able keep the love.

I found this case in Jakarta.

A man happily, was happy. He met finally meet his spouse through facebook, then they get married. But the man should feel suffer for his love. Somehow God turn the happy marriage into fact. The guy wife, beloved wife for 6 month is a Man. The un-gay guy married the man who is actually a transition gender street criminal. The guy now prison the ex wife with charge as fake gender crime. Love fool? Some times

Then I found another fact.

The online friend who became husband and wife. One is a Indonesian woman, who kindly help her online buddy on chat room. The woman never ever imagine she would done the long distance relation ship with the guy he meet online. The guy also a foreigner. Western meet eastern. In small cyber public place called chat room. Now, they have son and they live happily ever after. They even published their love story in local Jakarta Magazine. Not famous as previous case, but I see the same ideas. Loves fool. But this happy couple doing better preparation than just getting married.

It's fool love, you loose some mind, you drop somethings, you fantasize the smile and everything that beautiful. You just seem out of the world. You shouldn't to drunk when in love. Keep your self alive and alert. Pick the best guidance when you in love. For me, I pick the creator of love. God. He will lead to the real love tough we've been addict in love.

Happy April, Happy to be in Love

Orait

Things sometimes, come to be our problem which is also be our way out. Solution I always see it clearly after all the confuse, mistakes and something makes me not simple. But as always, I ask to some my problem solver friends, include my dad.

Orait, means OK. Its come from Indonesia Slank, means alright. To have problem you must be ready to state this ORAIT. You accept things and refuse somethings, in the end, the best way is you have to say alright, okay means you have some consideration, which is will lead you to decision.
Its simple word, but it state that you agree, couple % understand, some % disagree.

Just follow the next clue in your problem, which you also can have after you feel alright. Take your time, ask to God what's the best. As long you still shows to God you are hard work to get the best decision, in other side you also be ready for the reality bites, everything gonna be ORAIT.

Writing March

Menulis itu adiktif. Sudah menelurkan satu karya maka akan ketagihan untuk berkarya lagi. Walaupun cuma amatiran. Dalam sebuah proyek baru aku menuliskan sebuah surat cinta. Hari gini? Surat cinta? Masya Allah, kelaut aja gimana? Lebih populer ke laut dari pada menulis surat cinta. Tapi kali ini, aku menulis untuk membuang sial. Haha merasa gagal di satu keesempatan, kurang pede di satu profesi, buang buang mimpi di surat cinta.

Entah apa yang merasuki saat kubuat surat cinta ini. Surat Untuk Jodohku. Judulnya maut cuy... dangdut juga nggak, tapi menarik. Hahahay... being twenty something and you are single it's painful for reality surround. Sometimes. I enjoy my life. But I eager to achieve something too. Including this heart beat faith thing. And... akhirnya tertulis lah surat untuk kekasih abadi itu. Indahnya, satu jam kurang surat itu selesai. Surat yang dibuat oleh seorang single available whahahha-ini iklan dot com.

Kupanggil dia Senor. Bukan namanya Seno, bukan juga dimulai dengan huruf S. Kebetulan jodohnya lagi didalam perjalanan, untuk menjemput jodohnya yang menulis blog ini tentu saja. Bwahahhaaa

Eniwei... Its fun to write. Menulis itu skali amat seru. Seperti mengeluarkan kalimat kalimat isi hati atau sekedar curahan hati orang. Sudahkah aku menulis? Sudahkah aku menggagas novel atau story book? Pertanyaan itu mengomporiku setiap hari. Bahkan juga menjauhkanku dari realita terkadang. Ini sudah dimulai. Gerilya perang nafsu untuk menulis dan malas menulis sudah dimulai.

Sejak 1994 sudah memimpikan Agatha Christie, sejak 1988 sudah membaca buku cerita bergambar, sejak 1992, sudah menikmati suspense dan drama. Untuk apa menunggu diri ini menua lagi? Sudah waktunya berpassion, bukan hanya berkarir. Berjuang untuk sepuluh tahun mendatang yang saya canangkan sebagai tahun belajar menulis----sungguh I am so procrastinator! Sepuluh tahun jadi kegemilangan. Suka dan senang dalam sepuluh tahun mendatang siap dinikmati. Demi sebuah kata dan profesi idaman yang berkata dasar sama. Tulis!

Menulislah sebelum Anda ditulis oleh malaikat--looo??
Pak Hernowo yang penuulis dan pembaca ulung juga memiliki ketajaman misi. Mengikat Makna. Ikatlah makna diri Anda.... dalam tulisan. Karena tulisan adalah bahasa berekspresi, bahasa jiwa dan kejujuran terhadap diri. Indah kan? Mari semua menulis setidaknya kembangkan pikiran bukan cuma jadi status fesbuk atau twitter sajah!

Lets marchin in March!

Friday Freak

useless, pain, criticism, spy,traitor,unstable label,untrustworthy, justification, denial,
Freak Friday break me down and melt
through the J town traffic
against the dusty mist and facts
cry over
sop by just to cry
i HATE fRIDAY NIGHT SCENE
judgement, tired, sadness

I dream this before

OMG, subhanallah. Its been on my head before, all this feeling? All the nervous, curious. Its same thing. All the song, scene, face. Do I wrong this time? to be honest, its circumstances that I made.. But I enjoy this. I really like this.

Anything wrong here? Why keep connecting from the same feeling like before. I don't know. Is it good or bad? I lead to the right path or wrong side? If I imagine all, I fix all this coincidence puzzle... Its the right one. Right picture for my life. Tough its really a surprise. Its big surprise.

I want more than this feeling. I want action. The path couldn't straight away just like that? There must be a reason. I want it all Allah, more than anything. Lead me trough, blessed me in this choice. Any chance, after the circumstances that I made.

Make this more than just resolution, its a mission should be accomplished.
Amin,

Sagittarian

Section 1: How You Approach Life and How You Appear To Others


You are a gentle, sensitive person with a deep understanding
of people and a very tolerant, accepting, nonjudgmental approach
towards life. In a noisy, competitive atmosphere you are often
receding and withdrawn for you are not an aggressive, forceful
person, and you intensely dislike conflict. In fact you tend to
be somewhat passive, to wait, watch, observe, feel and know much
- but to act little. Letting things resolve or work themselves
out in their own way, rather than directing or forcing your will
upon them, is often your way of dealing with problems.

Section 2: The Inner You: Your Real Motivation


You are a gambler and an adventurer at heart, one who loves
to take risks, to discover and explore new worlds, and to take
the untried path rather than the safe, reliable one. You are an
independent soul, freedom-loving, and often very restless. You
need a lifestyle that provides opportunities for travel,
movement, change, and meeting new people. A steady routine which
offers much in the way of security but little in the way of space
and freedom is odious to you.

Heart Breath

Sebelum momen itu datang lagi, momen jadi manusia dengan umur yang panjang, berharap ada sebuah keajaiban indah berhiaskan permata hati. Keajaiban yang dinanti sejak lama. Wahai Maha Pengasih, cukupkan umurku dan kesehatanku menyambut sebuah hari indah bagi setiap manusia biasa. Genapkan setengah imanku dalam ikatan cinta manusia. Apapun caranya, asal indah dipandangan mataMu, aku meniti dengan hati hati. Sebuah asa panjang dan kuat untuk kekokohan hati. Sebuah tuntunan indah untuk kemesraan hati dan iman, untuk sebuah kebahagiaan dunia dengan landasan yang hakiki. Segenap hati ini bertaruh akan kemampuan dan keyakinan: Itu akan terjadi. Bersabarlah. Entah mengapa hari ini tiba. Hari merayakan kedatangan insan yang lama dinanti.

Amin ya mujibassailin

Semua Allah yang mengatur, bahkan jika jalanku mundur, Allah Maha Kuasa atas segalanya.


Duhai hati, kuatkan kasihmu, yakinkan niat mu, berikan cahaya bahagia dalam sebuah realita,genapkan semua ini lewat doa yang terus mengalun makin lama makin naik ke surga sana. Biarkan surga memberkahi doa dan mimpi ini. Amin ya mujibassailin :) :)

Antara Hati, Logika dan Ucapan

Suatu saat , terucap kalimat pendek yang aneh dari seorang teman kecil. Kalau sudah pakai cincin Lan berarti apa?" Haduh... Bingung menjawabnya teman, kamu berhati bersih lalu menayakan sebuah tujuan hidupku di tahun tahun belakangan. Setelah dia menyahut lagi , seolah mengulang sambil meyakinkan pertanyaan, "iya, menikah". Muncul pertanyaan aktif, "kapan pakai cincinnya?". Teman itu menjawab dengan pasti dan yakin bulan Februari tanggal 14.˘•˘ нɑɑ˘°˘нɑɑ˘°˘нɑɑ ˘•˘. Antara hati dan logika mulai bertilak belakang. Skeptis. Tapi teringat sebuah pernyataan teman kecil yang tepat ketika diberi pertanyaan tentang hari, dengan clue tanggal dan bulan. Dengan akurat jawabannya benar. Tanpa melihat kalendar.

Hati dan doa, kedekatan yang lucu saya dan teman itu , somehow meyakinkan hati dan logika ini. Tercetus tag line konyol tapi pasti :

Shocktober, BringitoNovember, BlesseDesember, GrandJanuary, LoveoFebruary.

Amazing. Semua menyatukan hati, logika dan ucapan.

Inthisnote : my hand some Andra Wibowo, wish u all the blessed and loved life.

Tanpa batas

Akhir itu bisa selalu hadir, biarpun awal telah berlalu. Aku membayangkan kereta yang ditunggu semua penumpang.Awal yang ramai,meriah. Begitu bersemangat seolah energi bepergian tak akan habis. Setiap hari banyak juga permulaan, awalan yang dinanti. Mentari pagi pasti sangat dinanti bagi semua pria yang akan melamar wanitanya,atau loper koran yang bersemangat membawakan berita pagi sampai ke depan pintu. Itulah sebuah start, garis mula. BPenuh cita yang berbahagia. Adapun Dalam perjalanan pasti bertemu episode panjang. Penuh liku dan berbatu. Inilah sebuah proses.Banyak orang memulai start dalam proses, dalam pertengahan. Perjalanan dimulai lagi dari awal.Bagi ku ini sebuah pengecualian.Mereka itu harus tertatih lagi, mengulang awal hidup, awal cinta,bahkan mula benci karena hempasan pilihan hidup.

Aku, dalam pertengahanku,menemui semua awal kehidupan.Teman banyak berbagi padaku, hidup mereka yang harus direstart.alsan pun muncul beragam, karena takdir, pilihan atau janji yang diingkari. Kata mereka rasanya sakit sekali. Beberapa masih menelan pahitnya, beberapa teman pandai menutupi sakitnya, kebanyakan tAkut menjalani lagi sebuah kehidupan awal yang berbeda.

Aku mulai melihat semua, yang sudah dimulai, tak akan kehilangan awal.Karena perjalanan kita adalah unlimited, tanpa batas. Kematian bukan akhir. Itu sebuah awal kehidupan.Kelahiran juga bukan awal. Itu proses dalam penciptaan. Aku takut, menjalani yang tanpa batas ini.Namun... Keabadian kasih dan cintaNya menembus semua takut, dalam sebuah proses. Proses mencintaiNya tanpa batas.

si Pendosa

nanar mataku bagai keringanan jiwanya
lumatan benci bumbu dalam hati
salah adalah kata mati
benci kiasan dan lelucon terbaik
kenalkan aku
si Pendosa.....

cela, hina, hukuman
rasa terbaik untuk dilimpahkan
abaikan sang pendosa selamanya?

bukankah marah datang dari neraka?
tapi pendosa juga tahu neraka panas tak bertuan.
pendosa tahu,Allah maha melihat
bahkan secuil niat dari pendosa

Allah, jalan terang itu butuh duri dan hantaman
maka ampunkan jiwa kotor murka merana ini
demi cahaya tulus bahagia,bernama nurani



something made me mad,mostly sad, came from Anger King: I beg to Allah, not to Any Other"

feeling inside

long...
I know it something good
something that must be very suitable for me
That's all i can feel
The feel of the place, new habitat!
The art of knowing human. From other side.
I am very much sure, miracles could happen there, my writing could enriched everyday,specially the loyal of working I will had. May it be the last.

It's coming soon in this year,
all pretty things after all tears
yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No more please
Hatred or else
just me and other side of the world..

On going

Hoah...
God I am so boring
But you gave me great week
I got crazy Wednesday with ma best friend :)
Nice painful on feet, refresh

But I am still stuck
I want a progress
Can I have ?At least about my writing, my goals

Sometimes I lost way
I keep knowing
Where should I am going
What should I am doing
Is this called consistence?

Reborn

It's like climbing the hill
It's like walking on the sand
Every step it's worthed
Every breath it's extraordinary

Let me do this
something I do with all my heart
Let me die with this
The thing that I want forever
Let me be me in this
When I feel I am what I am

Stop blaming me
I am not the dreamer
Just be here
sit with me
cry with me
to see my life forever

26

Alhamdulillah
26 sudah lewat
terimakasih untuk marah yang terjadi
kebencian yang tertumpuk
penyesalan yang dalam
serta pengkhianatan yang lumayan keji

Tangis pilu yang ada di masa itu
Membawa ke dalam tahapan hidup selanjutnya
Membawa tawa yang akan datang
meraih harap yang belum terwujud

Tak ada yang terlewat di 26
semuanya genap jadi satu
siap menatap episode lain
yang tak kalah haru, tak kalah heboh, tak kalah berpeluh

Sehari sebelum 26 pergi
Adalah perubahan dalam batang otak
menyeruak simetris asimetris antar neuron
sejarah harus mengubah untuk menjadi yang lebih baik
maka datanglah secara bermakna tahapan kehidupan yang lebih indah
amin

Pekik cinta pun tak kalah seru di 26.
Apalagi sesudahnya
sampai jumpa 26....

Untuk Hidup

Redamkan kekuatan adalah menolak alam

Hentikan gelombang adalah mengikat harapan

Jadi jangan biarkan semua yang datang tiba tiba
Mematikan ruh

Hidupkan ruh dalam kekusutan bencana

Kuatkan tangis yang suaranya pedih melngking

Langit mendengar semua

Bumi yang tergolak mematangkan kekuatan

Semua kehancuran adalah pembaruan

Sedih untuk beberapa saat,

Kalaupun terasa lama...

Ingatlah sebuah hari ketika semuanya bisa kau nikmati

Makan, minum, bernafas dalam udara yang luas.

Maka kau masih tetap HIDUP.