My eyes need some sleep. My breath needs some interval. My head need some blank memory. Not really into something to do anything. The energy has been pumped out. But it just not ending. The man come and seeing all my works. a word from him.
"FOOLish"
the word said out loud in high tone. His eyes stared me. I didn't care. You supposed to be care my process during made this work happen. I spend nights without sleep well! Lack of food, many coffee! No hangout and stressed during weeks. Then I take out from that room. Its ended. Hell!!!
In sudden my mood to work collapse. I just sat in front of pc. Doing nothing but twittering my boss. All about his personality and negativity. The way he laugh, the way he stare, the way he even put finger tip on a touch screen.
In an hour, I received email, said I should make new one. I did twittering during the hour. I enjoyed the comments from my fiends. He just not my boss. But I was confused.In email, he added some clue how to make work better. But why he said I was fool.
Then my finger keep twittering ... the replies getting wild...Oops, I did forget, my boss still my followerGa. Devilish. I let this happened. Let him know, that he fool enough to said fool to me.
I saw him. In empty road. I didn't want to know anything about him at all. But then a friend of mine, who stand beside me waving on him. I got smacked. Then I should packed.
Saturday, October 01, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
See you soon
4 pm. The rushing hour. Many deadlines. The rush for the work? No. Hope to see you. Soon.In the next couple hour forward. But whole this jobs and tasks should describe in one word : DONE. Can I? While my energy have only last minute. Maybe if I could translate it in mobile phone energy, it's just one half bar last. I just keep moving. I don't have no more option but to this. I now, I want to see you. But daily, I responsible to this whole tasks. I finally try to pump up my last energy.
Circle K. A simple convenient store. Sell the best drink in the world: Milo! Yeay. In between my hopeless, my lateness and my regret... It is very cheerful to have a big cup of Milo. Still out of the CK, my mind stuck. With you. Only you, how should I met you. Once again I couldn't see you. We are so different. In time line, in needs priority. I was in the rush to see you. I was pondering to be able share my whole day with you. Then? None of it , I felt it from you. Ow is it just me that such feeling. It is to see you. I just want to see you. My Milo finished in wrap of minutes. Then Paramore song come to cheer me. After this afternoon pass by, I should walk again. Maybe you just not for me.
In the next morning.. I found YOU! It is a best gift. You are in my pray. How could? You. In a package of two tickets of Maher Zain concert. Its wonderful life. I see you, with my loving artist. The next big thing was your smiley in my messenger. Soon. Allah answer everything that we want that soon. I believe something more than this!
Circle K. A simple convenient store. Sell the best drink in the world: Milo! Yeay. In between my hopeless, my lateness and my regret... It is very cheerful to have a big cup of Milo. Still out of the CK, my mind stuck. With you. Only you, how should I met you. Once again I couldn't see you. We are so different. In time line, in needs priority. I was in the rush to see you. I was pondering to be able share my whole day with you. Then? None of it , I felt it from you. Ow is it just me that such feeling. It is to see you. I just want to see you. My Milo finished in wrap of minutes. Then Paramore song come to cheer me. After this afternoon pass by, I should walk again. Maybe you just not for me.
In the next morning.. I found YOU! It is a best gift. You are in my pray. How could? You. In a package of two tickets of Maher Zain concert. Its wonderful life. I see you, with my loving artist. The next big thing was your smiley in my messenger. Soon. Allah answer everything that we want that soon. I believe something more than this!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Workin The Way
I don't understand much
But I do feel right
I don't need much
But I do get some
I don't ask much
But I get more
A happy day is when you have all in one time, what you want, what you dream about, what you fight for. Is like heaven on earth isn't it? It will never happen... Or might happen later on in the real heaven. Sometimes, many times we just have to cry out then get what we want. We pressed the eyes to pop the tears, we waste effort to have result. Once again , is it what we should believe in?about the results?NO.
One time I cried... with thousands regrets mistakes. I was begging for the mercy from the Creator. Hope all my sins will fade away. It won't. It just written that clear. But Allah give me the way how to erase, how to fix. The word is how .... not what to erase. Means... the process is much more important than the results. Results are good. But How is the form of "Mechanism-WORK". And a human literally consider as human by work, effort and thinking. That's what make human honorable than the other creature.
So let's think.... how to, how to how to... better than what will I get?
relax.... Heaven is not cheap. Is expensive as expensive the effort to have it.
But I do feel right
I don't need much
But I do get some
I don't ask much
But I get more
A happy day is when you have all in one time, what you want, what you dream about, what you fight for. Is like heaven on earth isn't it? It will never happen... Or might happen later on in the real heaven. Sometimes, many times we just have to cry out then get what we want. We pressed the eyes to pop the tears, we waste effort to have result. Once again , is it what we should believe in?about the results?NO.
One time I cried... with thousands regrets mistakes. I was begging for the mercy from the Creator. Hope all my sins will fade away. It won't. It just written that clear. But Allah give me the way how to erase, how to fix. The word is how .... not what to erase. Means... the process is much more important than the results. Results are good. But How is the form of "Mechanism-WORK". And a human literally consider as human by work, effort and thinking. That's what make human honorable than the other creature.
So let's think.... how to, how to how to... better than what will I get?
relax.... Heaven is not cheap. Is expensive as expensive the effort to have it.
" longing for the best effort, with heavenly on earth reward "
about my heart in between some paths
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Run
One day, you just had a life full of tasks. Need to do a to z. But get only less time. I had it, recently. Oh dear, it nearly killed my mood. I uneasy to enjoy sleep, or simple food. Then if this happen, what could I do? I can't stop. Stop is just making worst the tiring situation. I walk, slowly. Paused for a while. Step in to the room, block any social needs then break down with my self. Don't want to waste my learning time, I also keep writing what I feel. Even a simple thing. It might lead to a good story-as if I need novel brainstorm-.Then watching my self lying on bed.. How could? Just a simple stress released.
I discover some people need shopping to run away from reality sucks. Some likes to holiday. They just lucky could run away that fancy -_-" Some eat and feed self more ;D not my choice. It would make my tummy even larger than life ---hiperbolistic here.Some just release them self in toxic-drug-smoke. Definitely no. That a bullet that killed slowly.
Run to get back. Run away is not the choice. Run to have break and some air. Run is good for health and extra power. But not to hide and instant shortcut. But be careful with your speed, it control by your breath. The goal is in front ahead, but to manage the speed and breath is important. The speed is like motivation, breath, as amunition is the pray, that should filled in every run.
Run....with me baby?
I discover some people need shopping to run away from reality sucks. Some likes to holiday. They just lucky could run away that fancy -_-" Some eat and feed self more ;D not my choice. It would make my tummy even larger than life ---hiperbolistic here.Some just release them self in toxic-drug-smoke. Definitely no. That a bullet that killed slowly.
Run to get back. Run away is not the choice. Run to have break and some air. Run is good for health and extra power. But not to hide and instant shortcut. But be careful with your speed, it control by your breath. The goal is in front ahead, but to manage the speed and breath is important. The speed is like motivation, breath, as amunition is the pray, that should filled in every run.
Run....with me baby?
Friday, September 09, 2011
Its damn difficult. Let's try to be the best. Do the right thing after messed up things. The rest Allah let do it. I will try my best.
Like I know what will happen after all this, but the believe , faith will always in my heart. Mistakes is needed to be the experience. So I will learn. So lets do some song to keep hold on. I will make it true.
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
Walk !
Sandal that I took trip with... Yeah its landed in Karimun Jawa beach!
Geta, japanese clog that I wore in my friends wedding with her Japanese husband.
"What ever your technology, what ever your hair color, you need to walk with one of those sandal above whenever you feel in love with nature or culture"
Military Speaking
I was in line of queue in bank. Try to save my time by reading book than I come over to the teller desk. 396, that my number the teller had told. But after I wait behind the teller, come another man to wait also. It silly, we have the same number, which there is only one machine printed out. But both our ticket are same. The teller begin panic , she asked me to loose my turn over him, but the man said "how possible you skip a number? If in Changi Airport you should be missed... This country needs military touch.." . The man kept saying even tough the teller already overcome the situation, by handling both of us.
No body's fault. Its mistake. Waiting inline no one like it. So be respectful to the customer by quick action and doing the to handle situation in keep cold. Tough some people is always be reactive instead of ACTIVE. Such annoying for me, he talk keep talking after the teller serve him, yes his protest is accepted, but could you see the teller try to comfort you. I might be luck don't heard the man said loud and high tone. I must be become contra with him if he did it.
To control ourself to be not to reactive sometimes its hard. I did have high tone when I called a waitress in quiet customer restaurant because they make us wait until 10 minutes to be served. And we were hungry at that time. Control our self is just the biggest lesson everyday, not to be burst out or too impulsive like fireworks:P
It takes military discpline for our self, military speaking : obey the rule- to get in control.
No body's fault. Its mistake. Waiting inline no one like it. So be respectful to the customer by quick action and doing the to handle situation in keep cold. Tough some people is always be reactive instead of ACTIVE. Such annoying for me, he talk keep talking after the teller serve him, yes his protest is accepted, but could you see the teller try to comfort you. I might be luck don't heard the man said loud and high tone. I must be become contra with him if he did it.
To control ourself to be not to reactive sometimes its hard. I did have high tone when I called a waitress in quiet customer restaurant because they make us wait until 10 minutes to be served. And we were hungry at that time. Control our self is just the biggest lesson everyday, not to be burst out or too impulsive like fireworks:P
It takes military discpline for our self, military speaking : obey the rule- to get in control.
Saturday, September 03, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Timeless
Thanks for fulfilled my life, being with you girls is timeless!
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Last Man Standing
Couple more hours... the 1432 years of Islamic Lunar Month of Ramadhan will go. As usual, how the world goes without Ramadhan. Still mad world. Still the old world without some changes. Let me make the change. At last for my self. Last year Ramadhan, I had the lessons, today's Ramadhan, I earned bigger lessons. Each year in my Ramadhan, it will make progress. It will make my heart melt and realize how human is nothing without the fear to the creator.
Last hours in this Ramadhan, I get the chances, in life: big jobs, solid friends, unforgettable moments, closer life to be in love with Allah's grace and many more. I believe, the spirit to have good deeds in Ramadhan, I will always try to keep. I want to be the last man standing, through all the struggling, keep the good deeds in Ramadhan, do it in every time of my life pass by.
When we don't know in what second we will stop living, in what day we will stop breathing, in what situation will we have in our life, all we can do be the best last man that standing in his own life. Time is killing, so we should rushing to doing all the best. Don't think about the ending, Allah see the process, how we struggling, till our last standing. Ramadhan is our field to step in to the next month of fighting.Amin
Last hours in this Ramadhan, I get the chances, in life: big jobs, solid friends, unforgettable moments, closer life to be in love with Allah's grace and many more. I believe, the spirit to have good deeds in Ramadhan, I will always try to keep. I want to be the last man standing, through all the struggling, keep the good deeds in Ramadhan, do it in every time of my life pass by.
When we don't know in what second we will stop living, in what day we will stop breathing, in what situation will we have in our life, all we can do be the best last man that standing in his own life. Time is killing, so we should rushing to doing all the best. Don't think about the ending, Allah see the process, how we struggling, till our last standing. Ramadhan is our field to step in to the next month of fighting.Amin
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Energy
It was tiring... whole day tiring. But today the reward being honest to the feeling and sincerity seems enlighten the Ramadhan. Tough it is hard Ramadhan, no so perfect Ramadhan, but the applicative action as a muslim revealing many surprises. Nothing can compete to a stronger person, stronger in faith, stronger in believing, stronger in moving forward no matter how hard life will be..
I can smile in the middle of hectic and problem, I can hear caring person, truthful person and enlighten facts in life. Don't mind yesterday trouble, or next days forward surprises. It may un-comfort , it could be painful, but there always balance episode within the awful: happy time.
This happy time is recharging to stand back, refreshing to memorize only the happiness, rebuilding the mind shape to be always positive.
Remember + and + = +, while - + - = negative.
So empower your energy trough the positive attitude:))
I can smile in the middle of hectic and problem, I can hear caring person, truthful person and enlighten facts in life. Don't mind yesterday trouble, or next days forward surprises. It may un-comfort , it could be painful, but there always balance episode within the awful: happy time.
This happy time is recharging to stand back, refreshing to memorize only the happiness, rebuilding the mind shape to be always positive.
Remember + and + = +, while - + - = negative.
So empower your energy trough the positive attitude:))
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Hari Ramadhan dengan Kejutan
Lebay? Tidak. Ramadhan yang penuh berkah. Selalu memiliki hikmah. Apapun yang terjadi saat Ramadhan, selalu berkah. Apalagi bisa berujar syukur atas kesulitan. Allah berjanji, dalam kesulitan akan ada kemudahan, dalam kemudahan ada kesulitan. Kesulitan dalam Ramadhan yang penuh berkah, untuk kali ini, menahan sabar. Memperbanyak istigfhar, memenuhi ruang sempit Ramadhan yang sesak karena beban rutinitas. Sabar memperbaiki diri.
Kenapa satu hari di Ramadhan ini yang penuh kejutan . Sepertinya Ramadhan selalu jadi ajang pembelajaran. Selalu ada saja, peristiwa yang bergelimpangan tanpa prasangka. Begitu saja datang.. Berkali kali kejutan membuat sebel atau membuat bahagia datang. Beriringan antara kemudahan dan kesusahan.Ya Rabb, ini pelajaran terbaru yah... Mudah-mudahan jadi lebih berguna, jadi lebih bermakna.
Berita baik atau buruk, fakta atau rekayasa, harus dipilah supaya dirangkai indah di kepala.Selalu bersemangat tetap pada pilihan yang diberkahi.
Mari mengenang 23 Agustus 2011.
Kenapa satu hari di Ramadhan ini yang penuh kejutan . Sepertinya Ramadhan selalu jadi ajang pembelajaran. Selalu ada saja, peristiwa yang bergelimpangan tanpa prasangka. Begitu saja datang.. Berkali kali kejutan membuat sebel atau membuat bahagia datang. Beriringan antara kemudahan dan kesusahan.Ya Rabb, ini pelajaran terbaru yah... Mudah-mudahan jadi lebih berguna, jadi lebih bermakna.
Berita baik atau buruk, fakta atau rekayasa, harus dipilah supaya dirangkai indah di kepala.Selalu bersemangat tetap pada pilihan yang diberkahi.
Mari mengenang 23 Agustus 2011.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Send a Life
The arrival time will come
the merrier crowd will stop
as the blank spot is find its hope
to catch some memories in life
go get life before it pop up
closer to dead atmosphere
live among the eternal prayer
walking side by side near the river of history
if later you see no more doors open
when the dark is coming through to you
do not be sad
neither afraid
because the joy, pray and bless will always be with you
to send the life after the death
made by your own kingdom of Noor and good deeds
"reflection to remind my self how long will we stay in grave before the judgment day"
the merrier crowd will stop
as the blank spot is find its hope
to catch some memories in life
go get life before it pop up
closer to dead atmosphere
live among the eternal prayer
walking side by side near the river of history
if later you see no more doors open
when the dark is coming through to you
do not be sad
neither afraid
because the joy, pray and bless will always be with you
to send the life after the death
made by your own kingdom of Noor and good deeds
"reflection to remind my self how long will we stay in grave before the judgment day"
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Happiness Etc
happy mean you are good with your life
happy is not money or property
happy is smile sincerely
happy is you leave all the problem not create new trouble
happy is fasten your seat belt in roller coaster, safe journey
happy bring ut the light in you
calm your anger
stand up after lose
believe every mistake taken by a winner
climb up the mountain of eternal life after
those are my happiness
happy is not money or property
happy is smile sincerely
happy is you leave all the problem not create new trouble
happy is fasten your seat belt in roller coaster, safe journey
happy bring ut the light in you
calm your anger
stand up after lose
believe every mistake taken by a winner
climb up the mountain of eternal life after
those are my happiness
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
On the Bench, Under the Tree
Could you just sit here
Listening to what I say
Laughing at my fool
Thinking of my ideas
Supporting my hope
Please do not walk away
Sharing the toughts
Revealing all secrets
Planting those dream
Building similar wishes
Hear me,
Don't kill me with the blind and silent
Ask me,
Don't wait for me in awkward timeless
Do me a favor
Come in to me
I believe in the time
Where I state I am in love with
Because I am ready to take all
Even the tears or laughter
Together, forever
Listening to what I say
Laughing at my fool
Thinking of my ideas
Supporting my hope
Please do not walk away
Sharing the toughts
Revealing all secrets
Planting those dream
Building similar wishes
Hear me,
Don't kill me with the blind and silent
Ask me,
Don't wait for me in awkward timeless
Do me a favor
Come in to me
I believe in the time
Where I state I am in love with
Because I am ready to take all
Even the tears or laughter
Together, forever
Soul
bagai daun yang akan jatuh mati
seketika pun dapat meletup-letup menghebat
kadang melemah juga terkapar
bagaimana kuhadapi
telaga dalam sanubari
kadang kulihat kejujuran baik sebening kaca
bisa juga kusaksikan topeng-topeng kaca nan indah
jiwa yang rapuh
semudah angin bertiup ke arah manapun
seringan debu berterbangan di semua persinggahan
ku mohon
berikan kekuatan diri yang akan selalu kokoh
ku mohon
biarkan jiwa ini bercahaya
bersih memancarkan keIlahian yang terpupuk rapi
jiwa yang selalu mengembara mencari
kekuatan
keteraturan
kebahagiaan
Taken from Oldies Friendsters Blog
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Thursday, June 16, 2011
Forever
Deep inside, I know where I will land my old time. Deep down in my heart, I know who should I thanked to about what happen today in my life. Seriously I am grateful for anything that happen everyday. Bad day, worst day is just day, its my life. Deeply I know I create my life, with Allah's will. No one could change our destiny but us.
Trust your life, it won't ended in sad drama scene. Because you build your life every night in your dream and you publish it every morning you wake up. It is more than a morning glory or night scene. It is your life. Where later there will always a judgment what had you filled your life with.
Share forever, dream forever, gain forever and you will never be lost forever, in your life.
Trust your life, it won't ended in sad drama scene. Because you build your life every night in your dream and you publish it every morning you wake up. It is more than a morning glory or night scene. It is your life. Where later there will always a judgment what had you filled your life with.
Share forever, dream forever, gain forever and you will never be lost forever, in your life.
"the moment I am thank you to Allah for the surprises today. I wish, I am grateful"
Party
My dream scene, seems need to be noted.
Its crowded. Seems a birthday party. With many socialite people but stand in same level because of the person. I don't know much about the person. I do impressed bit because the work this person do. I couldn't reach the person during the party, just enjoy the food, story about it. Where is it? Familiar place, with unknown place. But the star in the party was happy I am present tough I am bit neglected.
I am talking too much with other guests ---might be because my work. But again this party made me know about the level in life. I am not their level, I just part of the party host life.
Then I leave the party, with many stories to be written as usual. I am learning again.
Its crowded. Seems a birthday party. With many socialite people but stand in same level because of the person. I don't know much about the person. I do impressed bit because the work this person do. I couldn't reach the person during the party, just enjoy the food, story about it. Where is it? Familiar place, with unknown place. But the star in the party was happy I am present tough I am bit neglected.
I am talking too much with other guests ---might be because my work. But again this party made me know about the level in life. I am not their level, I just part of the party host life.
Then I leave the party, with many stories to be written as usual. I am learning again.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
The Ocean
First time in my mind to imagine backpacking as solo traveler. I am gonna do it. I desperately want to have some date with shark. Honestly, I miss the ocean...............
Blindly walk
Through the path as in the park
brightest light
bring up some cool sight
freeze in seeing
breeze in smelling
mix up like no other
the waving coconut tree
the parking silently turtle
the touching wind
let me tell you about the ocean
how its beautiful as heaven
calm like the warm night
surprising as the rain in the sun
just leave the earth
fly your life to the ocean
Blindly walk
Through the path as in the park
brightest light
bring up some cool sight
freeze in seeing
breeze in smelling
mix up like no other
the waving coconut tree
the parking silently turtle
the touching wind
let me tell you about the ocean
how its beautiful as heaven
calm like the warm night
surprising as the rain in the sun
just leave the earth
fly your life to the ocean
Friday, June 10, 2011
My (not) Simple Happiness
Zzzzzuitzwit.... planning, then zwwitzwit changing ffiuh...The plan for that changing, but not the results.
Me and my friends made breakthrough within a week plan. Its not perfect, really awful but it was challenging experience that we made trip with 13 special children, ride in angkot (google it!) in hot sunny day(27 degree Celcius) to a clinic. Masha Allah, they moved all around, they showed their bright orange cloth ----just like Jakarta football team costume color, their carried their own bag in angkot and did the important journey. A tough rough journey which may change their quality of life in the jungle world.
The experience that made them sweaty, thirsty, some are cranky, but they made it. Alhamdulillah.... We had chance to scratch bit of color in this life experience. Dear mom and dad, look at their happy faces in the simple trip. They sight seeing in their curiosity, they still not changing much as you expect, but they had learn through this trip. They got the excitement as if you give them big present.
We worked hard, think hard only for made situation for them to learn. But we proud of it, we love it, all paid well when we saw their smile during the trip. Its nothing maybe, but for us its a simple happiness. Giving simple happiness is not need spot light in the middle of crowd or make us famous, but it stay deep down in the heart.
In the next ride, we steal another moment with them, to give another simple happiness. Start your simple happiness by giving chance to the special needs children to be accepted not to be an awkward person in the middle of society. Smile to them not to stare them.
Just like a professor said in her movie character
"I am Temple Grandin. I am autistic"
but the women who just met her at the shop who looking at her scared face of an automatic door, commented,
"Oooh, my son is artistic."
Communicate to them with your humanistic heart, not your only sight:))
Me and my friends made breakthrough within a week plan. Its not perfect, really awful but it was challenging experience that we made trip with 13 special children, ride in angkot (google it!) in hot sunny day(27 degree Celcius) to a clinic. Masha Allah, they moved all around, they showed their bright orange cloth ----just like Jakarta football team costume color, their carried their own bag in angkot and did the important journey. A tough rough journey which may change their quality of life in the jungle world.
The experience that made them sweaty, thirsty, some are cranky, but they made it. Alhamdulillah.... We had chance to scratch bit of color in this life experience. Dear mom and dad, look at their happy faces in the simple trip. They sight seeing in their curiosity, they still not changing much as you expect, but they had learn through this trip. They got the excitement as if you give them big present.
We worked hard, think hard only for made situation for them to learn. But we proud of it, we love it, all paid well when we saw their smile during the trip. Its nothing maybe, but for us its a simple happiness. Giving simple happiness is not need spot light in the middle of crowd or make us famous, but it stay deep down in the heart.
In the next ride, we steal another moment with them, to give another simple happiness. Start your simple happiness by giving chance to the special needs children to be accepted not to be an awkward person in the middle of society. Smile to them not to stare them.
Just like a professor said in her movie character
"I am Temple Grandin. I am autistic"
but the women who just met her at the shop who looking at her scared face of an automatic door, commented,
"Oooh, my son is artistic."
Communicate to them with your humanistic heart, not your only sight:))
-after my tough half day with super team, in our special school with special kids-
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