A heart beat

Pride!

2012-01-29T00:02:00.000+07:00

It is time to cook. After being a food tester for so many years in many restaurants, time for me to produce a meal. I have been around in many restaurants and food stall only to buy and talk the delicious about it. But the challenge is tempting now. Make a meal to have better life quality. At least I can choose my favourite vegetables or protein to be consumed. Well the spinach saute with garlic was not the mater piece, it was too salty :D
Not giving up, I mean I must be can cook a meal. Then the chicken breast with chilly taste good. Alhamdulillah. But fried rice hmmmm it is difficult part. Let me conquer it, with some tofu (bean cake) mixing or some salad.

It is easy to start a will actually. I was so much trouble in cooking. But now? Grocery store and fruit market seems a heaven. Pick the best for the next recipe. Well it takes hard and long time to have this will in cooking. But let's just have fun! It my own pride to cook now! Beside couple months ago I have been watching the shows of cooking. Let me watch and learn it!

As Shofwah

2012-01-21T21:23:00.001+07:00

A promise has reviewing my self. It's been written in history, that our glory will come. Then while the efforts needs extra work hard, I won't be able to be written in history, if I keep my self LAZY or egoistic by only care to my problem only. There's many family in same Iman so called ISLAM that needs help.People who still needs to be convince that ISLAM is totally beautiful.

2 years ago, my dearly brother remind me about this media which will make me realizes the youth glory in my Deen. I was blinded. I was not care about this hint. Masha Allah, I am coming back, following his idea, with insha Allah pure intention. No one could know, what I have been trough this day. Today is wonderful. I met the beautiful people with beautiful friendship and beautuiful spirit. Insha Allah, I will be in the line for the Shofwah. The glory. Even if I just made the start, not the end.

I am expecting my next efforts to be part of the shofwah, the glory, to educated whole world with the compassionate faith. For those who lost hope, leave it. As Shofwah is our goal. Not the Jannah it self. Jannah is just the playground. Work and work for a better world, better view, and universe witnesses that this Deen is more than beautiful.

Psst, beyond the glory inside through this beautiful enlightening day, I whispering a pray , special for someone that caught me in the eye. Subhanallah, if today is my reason, than the day is come just to complete my pray , and complete my half of Deen.
Amin.

Lagu "Andilau"

2012-01-21T21:09:00.001+07:00

ku menunggu
aku menunggu mu
kau kembali kepadaku

cinta itu
ku berharap
kelak kau mencintai aku

harus kah ku bilang cinta?
hati senang, namun bimbang....

dan kau sudah ada yang punya
datang padaku
kutahu kau kelak kau datang ke pada ku

ini lagu Andi Lau!
Antara Dilema dan Galau :D

Terimkasih ya Rossa...lagu ini mempertahankan ide untuk tulisanku juga mencerminkan kisah lampau ku, yang sempat mengalami andilau!! #Fiuuuh

She's the One

2012-01-11T20:55:00.000+07:00

My self is part of you, my life is part of you, my everything is you.

Have a wonderful , blessed days forward.

I hope I will be the best mom just like you!

Someday, someway.

"Your Heaven lies under the feet of your mother    (Ahmad, Nasai)"

one two three

2012-01-04T19:46:00.000+07:00

One I do

Two Yes I will do

Three Surely I will always do

One if the day is arrive, where I commit to stay with you

Two if the right person and nearly perfect person is you

Three if the last man that always standing with me is only you

One I do

Two I will always do

Three I am in love with you

Hurt and Last hope

2011-12-17T22:06:00.000+07:00

I have been walking alone
Through the stormy time
Along the winding road
Stop int o cry while the silent killing me

I have been standing alone
While the heart beating too fast
Even when bad day of worried
I taste my bitter sweet taste

Hurt oh the stormy time it is hurt
Last hope the love will be with me
Hurt or last hope
No matter how
The grace and sincere life that I should cope

First Love

2011-11-03T21:58:00.000+07:00

In an episode of my beautiful life
Suddenly, I cry over the spilled milk
Those time..
Missed all the yellow power,
missed the pondering heart,
missed the smile attitude.

In beautiful day,
You came just like a golden sun.
Brighten and lighten the empty heart
Change the bored in to magical happiness

Yes I do in love
The very first love
An exciting sincere love
The light appear in every way I do
Smells like summer time
Fresh and newly born moment

What makes me stand
And try to feel harder
Reach better life than before
My secret love to you
The strongest feeling to you
And when the time reveal
I had lose you in my mind, soul and faith

Half Past Ten

2011-10-31T00:01:00.000+07:00

Entire world adore her. The lady in red gown with perfect smile, teeth, skin, lip, top to down of herself. She is a lady star. Who people always talk to. Today I met her. Oh dear Lord... She just smiling at me. Her beautiful smile, look and smells good. I was very happy after I was served her. Yes. But darling, I look at the man next to you. He is just average. Not perfect as you are. I see him.His hair is so messy, his smile. Even he looks older , with wrinkle forehead. But why are you calling him honey? Does he really love you.

I remember he hold your hand, put the hand on your shoulder sometimes. But you laugh hard with him. I just don't get it. Some people , in this world adore you with a younger guy. Fashionable guy and friendly . They've been imagine you, will walk with another handsome actor. But this fact hit us. You with another man, which we don't know at all. As I see you... I begin understand and not understand. How world is funny. A friend whispering to me , after you left my outlet, "Why pretty lady like her just guy like that?". I just said to her, I also don't know. Maybe if I have your face, I will marry another actor or model. But I never had that your nearly perfect face. I just me. But you just you too. Choosing the man that can make you laugh.

It half past ten, I awas going to leave my outlet. Then in sudden the old guy come to me,
"Sorry, I think we had extra here. " he shows me the receipt and show me the number. Then he return some rupiahs.
"Than you sir." I smile very big to him. This is the reason , why you pretty lady marry this man.

Femme in Brand

2011-10-28T22:56:00.001+07:00

In biscuit pack...

In nougat pack...

Many food product use the creator name in their own product. But when it is not enough, they feel the face image branding is good way. Take a look those two pictures above. Both showing classic look a like lady, shows in the product, with typical way of pose. But it will be memorable and easily identified by the customer to remember the product. If the product quality is good, taste yum, people will always remember the lady face. No matter how classic their style is:D The brand is the lady its self.

The typical for this brand image is:
Be classic: The pose, the color choices and clothes
Be Young : It shows how long is the product has last, the younger of the image, the longer the product has been selling
Be Happpy : Don't sell the awkward pose ! The character should smiling no matter how classic:D
Be Different : Put the maker original name, complete full name, but it should be different from other product.

Then I remember my grandma who can make many good yummy cookies . Will she accept if later I put her face on the pack , if I sell her creation? Peace yo Nek...I am joking.

Surprised!

2011-10-25T22:40:00.000+07:00

I was planning. But I can not decide, when it will happen. Its about another resolution to be able to get back my brain in sharpen way. Curious, the basic value that I have to be able sustain in this situation right know. After the curious with child's world, happy in my own childhood, little bit obsessed with my childhood, now it became a value. The curious will never stop, the needs to know every second about these young and new human.Freshness of their spirit. It became my own curious and value.

Move on. I think being curious its not enough, but should have some plan and ideas build inside. Yes, inside of a human, what you can find? It is beyond the flash and meat or even tiny second of cells. It is a soul, spirit and power which can be controlled and uncontrolled. Depend on the human manage it. Since human, not that simple, curious of a child , to a child, has moved me to wider aspects, bigger view in to humanistic side.
I was happy when I saw the detective works, how he solve problems to helps human and use other human. I was interest how war was painful and leaved some traces of scars for human and society. I was happy seeing Doraemon move from one side of world to another world , by truly magic, which is absurd and so foolish. And those movie experience, complete me to grow me in to 'older' mindset. Still with some foolish and ridiculous side in my brain.
A friend, many friends, thinks I am older than my age, because the way I am thinking and solving problems. I just realize, this answering my own inside , why I can be wise and good listener, beneath my foolish. What make this skills growing well. Is it because my circular friends? Is it because my choices of reading or movie? Is it talent? But this situation, somehow carrying me into a mature side. Which lead me to get indepth with the world of human and psychology. I am very and always interest with those two topics. I was deeper with human in culture, through Japanese. Now, soon, insha Allah, I am going further to the character of human. Somehow, the universe or law attraction, or whatever they name it, but I called the destiny , have been set me in. I get in my own scenario of dreaming. Since many years ago I was interest in psychology, I had choose-accidentally- to be shrink, as my aunt was asking what college I would take. I was answering Pshychology. But then it is not happen that simple. But now, more than anything, I am very close with my surround and environment, and my choice and my faith, I am going learn it.

Masha allah. ALLAH make it simple. My dad just say easily, back me up easily to support me back to the school. I feel so surprised. Never expect it will happen this soon. When I was planning to another step, but got no good result after working it hard, I get another plan to do. Like the working plan B after the failed of Plan A.Wonderful surprise!

"What's on your mind, that's what you are!"

Adored Man

2011-10-19T21:57:00.000+07:00

Caring
Understanding
Outstanding
Ultimately heroic

More elegance than prince charming
Wisest than Socrates
Smarter than Steve Jobs, Einstein

A man who conquer world
With the believe
A man who is firm to the enemies
With best strategic
A man who embrace all people
With universal values of peaceful religion

I adored him
I dream to be in front of him
By saying my love to him
Ya nabi salam alaika...
Ya Rasul salam alaika

Little Things I Missed

2011-10-13T21:58:00.000+07:00

It's nearly two months the Ramadhan passed by. Then I still missed how to keep the winner of Ramadhan act about. Then today I saw many people, regards to my visitation to hospital. This place is the best place to remember how health is important and valuable. I saw the lying down person in many beds, most of them looks very painful. I heard the news that one of the patient was the victim of social chaos in east Indonesia island. Some just little kids who should get bed rest in pain.

Some things I missed after seeing this action lively scene. Forget to be happy with things that I have. I have all complete organs, still in good function. Alhamdulillah. I have the relaxing getaway when I get stressed. Not everybody could have good stress release. I have the circle of nice people who can help me anytime. Alhamdulillah. I have the time to enhance my "being blessed skill". I have some extra life to move forward. Huffft. How could I missed these stuffs?

A blood check release me from stress. No need stay in hospital to get some reminder in life. I am still have the better health. Nothing wrong with many wrong in my body. Alhamdulillah. May Allah help me to create another little things as reminder and spiritual motivation. Since I never know... how long my breath will last.

"So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?"

Q.S Ar Rahman

2011-10-12T09:53:00.000+07:00

I have the renovation under my dormitory house. It is extremely changing. They change the ceilings, doors and closet. I am sure this dormitory has been build since 15 years ago. Since all the rooms here basically has oldies stuff. What had change only the people inside it.People who lives, who come and go from this dorm.The rest just the same old things.
I begin curious what stories that has live and bring up under this dormitory. It might broken heart, it might falling in love story, it might the pain after some betrayal, some drama and sitcom may appears in this dormitory. Even a spooky case.

A renovation never create new things, it might change some things, but the whole concept are still the same. It is rebuild job by using the same basic. So along this renovation, I am hearing the rhyming tune and sounds of hammering, the flying dust among my room, and still the basic structure still living here. No worries for new things, it might needs process. I am having cold and fever during writing this posting, but somehow I enjoy the renovation scene in my dormitory here. It might annoying, but it is for the better.

Somehow.. I am thinking a scar in my heart. I can ot get the thing that I want right now. The things that most people had have it. But then I don't worry, shouldn't worry, the scar that I have just like the renovation. It is annoying but will gain better results. I am loosing chance or a moment or a friend, but then thinking what happen to my dormitory... NO Worries.

Wedding Effect

2011-10-10T19:40:00.000+07:00

It was my friend-DP- happy wedding party! Stories behind it also very touchy. No one know what love can do after you believe it. Anything is possible, if you believe it, you ask for it, to the owner of all love :
Allah al Mighty.
As written on her wedding invitation : love conquer all. May Allah bless you and your family, Mrs. DP.:))

Hallo to You

2011-10-08T12:40:00.000+07:00

10.10 am
Everybody gather in the room. The air conditioner sound very clear in the room. The discussion seems very tight and quite progressive. Some new projects has been written on the pad of the boss. Other also busy making some resumes for own division. Knocking on the door. It catch people attention.
"Excuse me, ms Ryani. You have packages"
Ryani, the girl with scarf of green walk out and excuse her self from the meeting.
Boss : "Why?"
Partners: "This week is her wedding.. Sir?"
Boss: "ooh yeah! What time is it?"
Partners: "Sir, you did received invitation right?"
Boss: "No.."

Then the future bride coming. Her eyes look very happy. Unlike other day. The previous day.
Ryani:"Excuse me"
Partners whispering to ryani. Asking about the invitation.
Ryani smiling. She keeps her explanation in her heart. All the partners questions, why the invitation was not send to the boss.

10.45 am.
The air conditioning won't last until Ryani has the news. It is about the time.
Ryani : "Dear partners..."
Boss was out of the room.
Ryani :" I couldn't send the invitation to Mr. Sastranegoro, because he is my future father in law"
Partners are in shocking time. Silent is not happening. They all asking.
couple times of what and why was said often.
Ryani :" I my self, asking for my resignation since last week. He allowed me to point another manager beside me. Because I will be focus my self being a wife and an single independent worker."

Then no more the gossips surround Ryani. Everybody was respects her, but now, she is no longer need to be respected, but fear. Since some partners had opening war against the company, trough her. While, they who talked loud but hurt and stabbed behind, never know, never guessing. if Ryani is the future daughter in law.

Blue Heart

2011-10-08T11:23:00.000+07:00

If the heart no longer in red, so come another color. The lively heart in perfect shape heart could be in status of emergency. No black color in the heart, because nothing to mourn about. Also it is not warm feeling in the heart that might colored in orange. Even a green fresh heart.

All the joy being in happy and sharing moment is fade. It begin simply cold. As I tough t before, I think too much, I act less and maybe over react. But then, the prayer never stop. Tough this heart is cold and freeze, tough it is create another broken wings, tough it is way to deep to swim back up to see the sunlight from deep ocean, I believe, Allah will lead me to the reality and a colorful and red healthy heart. Indeed, I believe Allah see how far we could handle all the test, not how hard we could defense or deny.

I will sing another day in blue, under the blue sky, beneath the blue water and sail away along my loneliness.
Somehow, somewhere, someday................ I get the heart in perfect red!

Tossed

2011-10-01T23:37:00.000+07:00

My eyes need some sleep. My breath needs some interval. My head need some blank memory. Not really into something to do anything. The energy has been pumped out. But it just not ending. The man come and seeing all my works. a word from him.

"FOOLish"

the word said out loud in high tone. His eyes stared me. I didn't care. You supposed to be care my process during made this work happen. I spend nights without sleep well! Lack of food, many coffee! No hangout and stressed during weeks. Then I take out from that room. Its ended. Hell!!!

In sudden my mood to work collapse. I just sat in front of pc. Doing nothing but twittering my boss. All about his personality and negativity. The way he laugh, the way he stare, the way he even put finger tip on a touch screen.

In an hour, I received email, said I should make new one. I did twittering during the hour. I enjoyed the comments from my fiends. He just not my boss. But I was confused.In email, he added some clue how to make work better. But why he said I was fool.
Then my finger keep twittering ... the replies getting wild...Oops, I did forget, my boss still my followerGa. Devilish. I let this happened. Let him know, that he fool enough to said fool to me.

I saw him. In empty road. I didn't want to know anything about him at all. But then a friend of mine, who stand beside me waving on him. I got smacked. Then I should packed.

See you soon

2011-09-21T23:08:00.001+07:00

4 pm. The rushing hour. Many deadlines. The rush for the work? No. Hope to see you. Soon.In the next couple hour forward. But whole this jobs and tasks should describe in one word : DONE. Can I? While my energy have only last minute. Maybe if I could translate it in mobile phone energy, it's just one half bar last. I just keep moving. I don't have no more option but to this. I now, I want to see you. But daily, I responsible to this whole tasks. I finally try to pump up my last energy.

Circle K. A simple convenient store. Sell the best drink in the world: Milo! Yeay. In between my hopeless, my lateness and my regret... It is very cheerful to have a big cup of Milo. Still out of the CK, my mind stuck. With you. Only you, how should I met you. Once again I couldn't see you. We are so different. In time line, in needs priority. I was in the rush to see you. I was pondering to be able share my whole day with you. Then? None of it , I felt it from you. Ow is it just me that such feeling. It is to see you. I just want to see you. My Milo finished in wrap of minutes. Then Paramore song come to cheer me. After this afternoon pass by, I should walk again. Maybe you just not for me.

In the next morning.. I found YOU! It is a best gift. You are in my pray. How could? You. In a package of two tickets of Maher Zain concert. Its wonderful life. I see you, with my loving artist. The next big thing was your smiley in my messenger. Soon. Allah answer everything that we want that soon. I believe something more than this!

Workin The Way

2011-09-20T23:47:00.001+07:00

I don't understand much
But I do feel right

I don't need much
But I do get some

I don't ask much
But I get more

A happy day is when you have all in one time, what you want, what you dream about, what you fight for. Is like heaven on earth isn't it? It will never happen... Or might happen later on in the real heaven. Sometimes, many times we just have to cry out then get what we want. We pressed the eyes to pop the tears, we waste effort to have result. Once again , is it what we should believe in?about the results?NO.

One time I cried... with thousands regrets mistakes. I was begging for the mercy from the Creator. Hope all my sins will fade away. It won't. It just written that clear. But Allah give me the way how to erase, how to fix. The word is how .... not what to erase. Means... the process is much more important than the results. Results are good. But How is the form of "Mechanism-WORK". And a human literally consider as human by work, effort and thinking. That's what make human honorable than the other creature.

So let's think.... how to, how to how to... better than what will I get?
relax.... Heaven is not cheap. Is expensive as expensive the effort to have it.

" longing for the best effort, with heavenly on earth reward "

about my heart in between some paths

Run

2011-09-17T18:39:00.000+07:00

One day, you just had a life full of tasks. Need to do a to z. But get only less time. I had it, recently. Oh dear, it nearly killed my mood. I uneasy to enjoy sleep, or simple food. Then if this happen, what could I do? I can't stop. Stop is just making worst the tiring situation. I walk, slowly. Paused for a while. Step in to the room, block any social needs then break down with my self. Don't want to waste my learning time, I also keep writing what I feel. Even a simple thing. It might lead to a good story-as if I need novel brainstorm-.Then watching my self lying on bed.. How could? Just a simple stress released.

I discover some people need shopping to run away from reality sucks. Some likes to holiday. They just lucky could run away that fancy -_-" Some eat and feed self more ;D not my choice. It would make my tummy even larger than life ---hiperbolistic here.Some just release them self in toxic-drug-smoke. Definitely no. That a bullet that killed slowly.

Run to get back. Run away is not the choice. Run to have break and some air. Run is good for health and extra power. But not to hide and instant shortcut. But be careful with your speed, it control by your breath. The goal is in front ahead, but to manage the speed and breath is important. The speed is like motivation, breath, as amunition is the pray, that should filled in every run.

Run....with me baby?

2011-09-09T20:40:00.001+07:00

Its damn difficult. Let's try to be the best. Do the right thing after messed up things. The rest Allah let do it. I will try my best.

Like I know what will happen after all this, but the believe , faith will always in my heart. Mistakes is needed to be the experience. So I will learn. So lets do some song to keep hold on. I will make it true.

Walk !

2011-09-06T23:48:00.000+07:00

Sandal that I took trip with... Yeah its landed in Karimun Jawa beach!

Geta, japanese clog that I wore in my friends wedding with her Japanese husband.

"What ever your technology, what ever your hair color, you need to walk with one of those sandal above whenever you feel in love with nature or culture"

Military Speaking

2011-09-06T13:53:00.000+07:00

I was in line of queue in bank. Try to save my time by reading book than I come over to the teller desk. 396, that my number the teller had told. But after I wait behind the teller, come another man to wait also. It silly, we have the same number, which there is only one machine printed out. But both our ticket are same. The teller begin panic , she asked me to loose my turn over him, but the man said "how possible you skip a number? If in Changi Airport you should be missed... This country needs military touch.." . The man kept saying even tough the teller already overcome the situation, by handling both of us.

No body's fault. Its mistake. Waiting inline no one like it. So be respectful to the customer by quick action and doing the to handle situation in keep cold. Tough some people is always be reactive instead of ACTIVE. Such annoying for me, he talk keep talking after the teller serve him, yes his protest is accepted, but could you see the teller try to comfort you. I might be luck don't heard the man said loud and high tone. I must be become contra with him if he did it.

To control ourself to be not to reactive sometimes its hard. I did have high tone when I called a waitress in quiet customer restaurant because they make us wait until 10 minutes to be served. And we were hungry at that time. Control our self is just the biggest lesson everyday, not to be burst out or too impulsive like fireworks:P
It takes military discpline for our self, military speaking : obey the rule- to get in control.

Eid Mubarak 1432 H

2011-09-03T11:46:00.000+07:00

Timeless

2011-08-30T15:33:00.000+07:00

We , girls , love to buy same things based on personality. Seems it just ordinary watch, but when we put it together, time seems timeless as we share the time. In this picture, my rempong(hectic panic) girls:)
Thanks for fulfilled my life, being with you girls is timeless!

Last Man Standing

2011-08-27T22:24:00.001+07:00

Couple more hours... the 1432 years of Islamic Lunar Month of Ramadhan will go. As usual, how the world goes without Ramadhan. Still mad world. Still the old world without some changes. Let me make the change. At last for my self. Last year Ramadhan, I had the lessons, today's Ramadhan, I earned bigger lessons. Each year in my Ramadhan, it will make progress. It will make my heart melt and realize how human is nothing without the fear to the creator.

Last hours in this Ramadhan, I get the chances, in life: big jobs, solid friends, unforgettable moments, closer life to be in love with Allah's grace and many more. I believe, the spirit to have good deeds in Ramadhan, I will always try to keep. I want to be the last man standing, through all the struggling, keep the good deeds in Ramadhan, do it in every time of my life pass by.

When we don't know in what second we will stop living, in what day we will stop breathing, in what situation will we have in our life, all we can do be the best last man that standing in his own life. Time is killing, so we should rushing to doing all the best. Don't think about the ending, Allah see the process, how we struggling, till our last standing. Ramadhan is our field to step in to the next month of fighting.Amin

Energy

2011-08-25T00:27:00.000+07:00

It was tiring... whole day tiring. But today the reward being honest to the feeling and sincerity seems enlighten the Ramadhan. Tough it is hard Ramadhan, no so perfect Ramadhan, but the applicative action as a muslim revealing many surprises. Nothing can compete to a stronger person, stronger in faith, stronger in believing, stronger in moving forward no matter how hard life will be..

I can smile in the middle of hectic and problem, I can hear caring person, truthful person and enlighten facts in life. Don't mind yesterday trouble, or next days forward surprises. It may un-comfort , it could be painful, but there always balance episode within the awful: happy time.

This happy time is recharging to stand back, refreshing to memorize only the happiness, rebuilding the mind shape to be always positive.
Remember + and + = +, while - + - = negative.

So empower your energy trough the positive attitude:))

Hari Ramadhan dengan Kejutan

2011-08-23T21:02:00.001+07:00

Lebay? Tidak. Ramadhan yang penuh berkah. Selalu memiliki hikmah. Apapun yang terjadi saat Ramadhan, selalu berkah. Apalagi bisa berujar syukur atas kesulitan. Allah berjanji, dalam kesulitan akan ada kemudahan, dalam kemudahan ada kesulitan. Kesulitan dalam Ramadhan yang penuh berkah, untuk kali ini, menahan sabar. Memperbanyak istigfhar, memenuhi ruang sempit Ramadhan yang sesak karena beban rutinitas. Sabar memperbaiki diri.
Kenapa satu hari di Ramadhan ini yang penuh kejutan . Sepertinya Ramadhan selalu jadi ajang pembelajaran. Selalu ada saja, peristiwa yang bergelimpangan tanpa prasangka. Begitu saja datang.. Berkali kali kejutan membuat sebel atau membuat bahagia datang. Beriringan antara kemudahan dan kesusahan.Ya Rabb, ini pelajaran terbaru yah... Mudah-mudahan jadi lebih berguna, jadi lebih bermakna.
Berita baik atau buruk, fakta atau rekayasa, harus dipilah supaya dirangkai indah di kepala.Selalu bersemangat tetap pada pilihan yang diberkahi.
Mari mengenang 23 Agustus 2011.

Send a Life

2011-07-31T21:14:00.000+07:00

The arrival time will come
the merrier crowd will stop
as the blank spot is find its hope
to catch some memories in life

go get life before it pop up
closer to dead atmosphere
live among the eternal prayer
walking side by side near the river of history

if later you see no more doors open
when the dark is coming through to you
do not be sad
neither afraid
because the joy, pray and bless will always be with you
to send the life after the death
made by your own kingdom of Noor and good deeds

"reflection to remind my self how long will we stay in grave before the judgment day"

Happiness Etc

2011-07-23T23:12:00.000+07:00

happy mean you are good with your life

happy is not money or property

happy is smile sincerely

happy is you leave all the problem not create new trouble

happy is fasten your seat belt in roller coaster, safe journey

happy bring ut the light in you

calm your anger

stand up after lose

believe every mistake taken by a winner

climb up the mountain of eternal life after

those are my happiness

On the Bench, Under the Tree

2011-06-21T23:57:00.000+07:00

Could you just sit here
Listening to what I say
Laughing at my fool
Thinking of my ideas
Supporting my hope

Please do not walk away
Sharing the toughts
Revealing all secrets
Planting those dream
Building similar wishes

Hear me,
Don't kill me with the blind and silent
Ask me,
Don't wait for me in awkward timeless
Do me a favor
Come in to me

I believe in the time
Where I state I am in love with
Because I am ready to take all
Even the tears or laughter
Together, forever

Soul

2011-06-21T20:11:00.000+07:00

jiwa ini rapuh
bagai daun yang akan jatuh mati
seketika pun dapat meletup-letup menghebat
kadang melemah juga terkapar
bagaimana kuhadapi
telaga dalam sanubari
kadang kulihat kejujuran baik sebening kaca
bisa juga kusaksikan topeng-topeng kaca nan indah
jiwa yang rapuh
semudah angin bertiup ke arah manapun
seringan debu berterbangan di semua persinggahan
ku mohon
berikan kekuatan diri yang akan selalu kokoh
ku mohon
biarkan jiwa ini bercahaya
bersih memancarkan keIlahian yang terpupuk rapi
jiwa yang selalu mengembara mencari
kekuatan
keteraturan
kebahagiaan

Taken from Oldies Friendsters Blog
This entry was posted on Sunday, July 23rd, 2006 at 9:31 pm and is filed under Current Affairs. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed. Edit this entry.

Forever

2011-06-16T20:17:00.001+07:00

Deep inside, I know where I will land my old time. Deep down in my heart, I know who should I thanked to about what happen today in my life. Seriously I am grateful for anything that happen everyday. Bad day, worst day is just day, its my life. Deeply I know I create my life, with Allah's will. No one could change our destiny but us.

Trust your life, it won't ended in sad drama scene. Because you build your life every night in your dream and you publish it every morning you wake up. It is more than a morning glory or night scene. It is your life. Where later there will always a judgment what had you filled your life with.

Share forever, dream forever, gain forever and you will never be lost forever, in your life.

"the moment I am thank you to Allah for the surprises today. I wish, I am grateful"

Party

2011-06-16T07:02:00.000+07:00

My dream scene, seems need to be noted.

Its crowded. Seems a birthday party. With many socialite people but stand in same level because of the person. I don't know much about the person. I do impressed bit because the work this person do. I couldn't reach the person during the party, just enjoy the food, story about it. Where is it? Familiar place, with unknown place. But the star in the party was happy I am present tough I am bit neglected.

I am talking too much with other guests ---might be because my work. But again this party made me know about the level in life. I am not their level, I just part of the party host life.
Then I leave the party, with many stories to be written as usual. I am learning again.

The Ocean

2011-06-15T20:43:00.000+07:00

First time in my mind to imagine backpacking as solo traveler. I am gonna do it. I desperately want to have some date with shark. Honestly, I miss the ocean...............

Blindly walk
Through the path as in the park
brightest light
bring up some cool sight

freeze in seeing
breeze in smelling
mix up like no other

the waving coconut tree
the parking silently turtle
the touching wind

let me tell you about the ocean
how its beautiful as heaven
calm like the warm night
surprising as the rain in the sun
just leave the earth
fly your life to the ocean

My (not) Simple Happiness

2011-06-10T23:50:00.001+07:00

Zzzzzuitzwit.... planning, then zwwitzwit changing ffiuh...The plan for that changing, but not the results.

Me and my friends made breakthrough within a week plan. Its not perfect, really awful but it was challenging experience that we made trip with 13 special children, ride in angkot (google it!) in hot sunny day(27 degree Celcius) to a clinic. Masha Allah, they moved all around, they showed their bright orange cloth ----just like Jakarta football team costume color, their carried their own bag in angkot and did the important journey. A tough rough journey which may change their quality of life in the jungle world.

The experience that made them sweaty, thirsty, some are cranky, but they made it. Alhamdulillah.... We had chance to scratch bit of color in this life experience. Dear mom and dad, look at their happy faces in the simple trip. They sight seeing in their curiosity, they still not changing much as you expect, but they had learn through this trip. They got the excitement as if you give them big present.

We worked hard, think hard only for made situation for them to learn. But we proud of it, we love it, all paid well when we saw their smile during the trip. Its nothing maybe, but for us its a simple happiness. Giving simple happiness is not need spot light in the middle of crowd or make us famous, but it stay deep down in the heart.

In the next ride, we steal another moment with them, to give another simple happiness. Start your simple happiness by giving chance to the special needs children to be accepted not to be an awkward person in the middle of society. Smile to them not to stare them.

Just like a professor said in her movie character
"I am Temple Grandin. I am autistic"
but the women who just met her at the shop who looking at her scared face of an automatic door, commented,
"Oooh, my son is artistic."

Communicate to them with your humanistic heart, not your only sight:))

-after my tough half day with super team, in our special school with special kids-

Kembang Harapan

2011-06-07T22:47:00.000+07:00

Bukan nama SD, bukan Taman Kanak Kanak apalagi panti sosial. Ini gemuruh rasa hati.... Alah. Bukan penyakit hati tapi kumpulan rasa di hati. Atas semua doa yang dipinta dan dipanjatkan oleh bibir dan hati secara khusyu dan kadang pilu, realita hari ini begitu membuat diri sangat berharap dan kian berkembang.

Keinginan yang lama diduga dan dipintal jadi cita cita rasanya akan jadi realita masa depan dalam waktu dekat. Sungguh luar biasa, cara ajaib yang tak pernah disukai, malah jadi perngantar menuju kerajaan realita. Kerajaan yang bukan penuh drama tapi dengan semangat dan tentu saja harapan. Kerajaan yang diisi kembang kebersyukuran, kembang pelajaran, kembang pengabdian dan kembang semangat untuk kerajaan kehidupan yang sementara.

Siapapun yang berharap sama seperti kembang ku, akan selalu menginginkan cerita bahagia, bukan hati nan pilu. Berkuasa dalam kerajaan hidup yang penuh rasa cita, tanpa ragu atau kecewa. Karena semua yang diidamkan dalam kerajaan hidup ini adalah apa yang dipikirkan dan didoakan setiap detik. Maka tak layak jika kerajaan tak dibentengi dengan cahaya surga juga pedoman langit: iman.

Satu hari ditemani pada realita indah, suka yang aneh, galau yang senantiasa dinanti. Waktu mendadak jadi abadi, ucapan menjadi berarti dari detik ke detik. Allah, jika inilah sebuah garis takdir, biarkan ia melintang dengan indah di atas kaki kaki yang berpijak pada kebimbangan. Biarkan hati menuai rasa alamiah nan indah. Biarkan buaian kebahagiaan membelai. Biarkan semangat ini tak luntur untuk melengkapkan setengah agama. Dia untuk ku dari Mu. Begitukah? Amin ya mujibassailin.

Count Up

2011-06-05T05:30:00.000+07:00

Each day the burden or tasks seems never stop. If you do feel you just want to be usual guy, relax, calm in your daily life, including work to the people surround you, you could. You could be just plain yogurt. Somehow, someway, Allah increase those people up to the highest level, for those who feel life is just more than being relax each day, " no problems at all "and stay in comfort zone.

From the very beginning of our lives we had start the competition. Full of struggle our dad's sperm tried to reach the mom's gold ovum.Its big competition with more than 1000 sperms which also struggle. Not only that the way is not that easy as you seen in the movie, many layers should the sperm trough along the way to reach the ovum. Again, its not need a relax calm usual situation. Its a work, hard work. Smart work and needs Allah's will in it. That's our basic assets in doing the life.

The moment stay in so plain usual time is easy to get. You can create just easy as easy you leave crying child that sudden whining out in the middle of crowded place. But do you really want to leave crying child just like that? Don't you feel responsible if your self get knowledge and power to make the child feel better? No, right, your heart won't let it happen. Your heart will choose any effort to make the crying stop, tough its hard situation or unplanned situation.

We just can't let any part of hard situation that killing or stressed. We only could to change the situation. Then count up what will happen the next. Never ask an easy life, because that's not what we live for. We may ask the strength to control life to be easier than less value life. If Allah will always give present in hard situation, why should we leave it? We can face it and never ask why me to had this difficult situation. Beneath under your concious you are a chosen hero to fight it.Just be patient.

when I feel down I know Allah won't let me down

breaking the ice

2011-05-29T00:55:00.004+07:00

I asked you
but you ignored
keep asked you
you asked another-or something
cried out loud
asked you again
cried out loud again

I was trying pushy
you kept crying pushy
I asked same thing
again, you pushed same thing

we went out to find the thing
did the ice breaking
in quite room
you kept crying
I tried to understand
But ask you for a stand
beneath your sad crying

I did
by keep next to you
only touching you
you and I did it
we make connection
by sitting together
by touching together
in simple quite understanding
broke the ego
I am next to you, handsome

a tantrum moment with Ghani, which I couldn't break, but finally become so unique communicating way

1000 ways

2011-05-18T20:21:00.001+07:00

You just can't do that. You know... whining in the corner of your room, smoking or even screaming at the night. Don't you even dare to think to jump in to the sea or sit in front of the road of highway. Oh no, no matter how hard you feel now,I know how you hard to breath, how you easily leave the fun of eating, or even craving to stay in loneliness, enjoy being neglected. Stop.

You deserve to be sad, you are blessed to be stressed, you are human when falling apart and cry out loud. Human does weak as if the problem will always be easy to be solved while sometimes the problem solving is part of the destroying. Human does forgetful as if happiness is forever episodes.Human will always complaining when feels uncomfortable, something less and lack of. It's human, but human can control all that barriers. How? Stand up after you fall, you got no choice. Try another problem solving after the failures. Create another hopes after a shocking therapy. 1 way to feel sad always, but 1000 ways to feel better ! Remember God see our ways and efforts not the result.

Go ahead, be a winner after the lose time. Don't be the forever loser and complainer. Be the" 1000 ways " to be happy or at least you die in happy thinking with some efforts. Never keep the weakness of human. Because you deserve to beat angel-which Allah already made very good and never had problem. But be the Human which always survive in every problems.

He's Just..

2011-04-29T06:45:00.002+07:00

The right person in right place. That is the best conclusion for now. My effort in doing some plans needs to be delay. It's not about the plan. The plan is surely amazing and surprising. I am thinking about it everyday. But the decision still not come from me. Allah control all my plans in the end. No matter how perfect it is. Allah love me more if the situation its just different from what I want and plan to.

Simple thing, because I don't find the right person. Well OKAY, world still running, passion still waiting, the sun still there for a while. Its just a while situation. Nothing would last forever. Even when being lonesome warrior to get happy. It's because also he's just not.... the right person.

Just like a movie, the unplanned man will come and see who can finish my plan with happy ending forever. The guy who is in to me. Both of us we will find the way.

Heii its supposed to be sad story with some sentimental music score. Since I know... Allah loves me with his way, so just stand up and walk through when the "he's just not that in to you" scene comes in.

In the end, I will find my man:)) >_<

Sun of Faith

2011-04-23T21:54:00.006+07:00

Everyday is sunshine. Yeah rainy day come, sure the storm pass by. But you know.... if sunny stay in your heart and mind, weather change is nothing, no matter how extreme. Sun, sunny as the strong power. What is your sun in your life. Mine is just simple word: faith. I am in love always, with the faith.

Once upon a day on my life scene, I was thinking differently. Then it brought me to the stage of numb mix with guilty feeling. Like a real drama, I find my faith. Up to now, this second... I get super mind set, goal and orientation. It is the Sun in my life.

Never finish to find your faith. But you must race with the time. Faith should be stronger, unlike time which always fade away. Never had, never seen a good harmony between faith and time. They just two different character. Pushing the faith harder, you go stronger. But pushing the time harder, you getting lose it.

Just keep the faith stronger. Faith about the creator. Then it will lead you to any power you never think before.

"I just enter my forever will, it hasn't perfect yet, but the faith about it always perfect! "
In line for a partner

Advice Breakfast

2011-04-16T11:09:00.002+07:00

I am enjoying reading Steve Harvey's book : Think Like a Man, Act Like a Lady. I taught it was about business area,doh since I don't really familiar with Harvey. Anyway, its bunch of man point of view about relationship which a woman should learn. It really helpful haha hah. I know now why man think like this, why man like this. One of the point that I interest is how man will wait someone who worth enough to get. From that text, I feel, seem soul mate is something that accidentally happen but deep down it is planned.

Then on my swimming lesson today, in some break, my tutor, said some taught. In the end, when they old, husband and wife they will go separately. They lonely also. Really? Then she explained other... it is wrong when a woman marry a man only to get some money and never done any socialization anymore. A woman is also human who need actualize herself and contribute to society. Its a big mistake to make limitation to woman after the marriage. It is hardly accepted too since its not a sin to giving something useful to other. Woman and man in marriage also a lifetime partner that should have their own personal mission, they support each other.
And the tutor still talk, when you are single and you are in society based should marriage age, get some life, work hardly, and you wont get the stigma from the east society. In eats society, woman should marry fast, young. I am thinking, fast and young sounds instant. There are no process it self. The tutor keep saying, soul mate it should not be find, but should come by naturally. Not too worry about this matter she said...
Then my other friend shout : "Yeah! I am not alone.. " She told us in her office people keep referring her as single who look for husband, in the other hand-either left or right hand :p ,herself is just enjoy being single. NO worry !

Hmm soul mate will naturally come by but never stop to have a wish , I think that's the wisest taught. The Al Mighty will hear prayer and send the answer, now and later.

Ouch ... I think I will continue my swimming lesson since I get free life lecturer :p She guarantee she know more than I do about a free woman...

Simple Day, Big Blessed

2011-04-13T20:32:00.005+07:00

Its just usual morning. Then came afternoon. Then the surprise begin. I just thinking about some relation and the connection with my future, but there is story of friend who shocked me. Her story much or less just like me. We both missing a partner in life. We both looking for the best. But we try to keep reality and logical thinking through this emotion episode. It seem Allah lead me to her. So I know her story and I can think and get the lesson how to defeat the emotion and nafs-lust trough the realism world.

We are woman often to be impulsive. Man are created in fragile feeling called love. Its always be blind no matter how the bright sunshine. I am typical person has A-Z plan in making some decision. I am also will imagine many preventive solution, tough the problem actually not happen at all. But just in case... Because many love stories landed in my ear which broken my heart as women. I just too many listening my friend's story about the love which never be the barakah love, even the marriage just so ruin until had to be ended.
I keep one thing in my mind across my heart. Faith. Have positive thinking to Allah. And everything will clear. As the fast answer from Allah after I ask something I can't decide anymore by myself.
If everything with Allah's will, take care the process in Allah's way, nothing will ever defeat the sweet being in good way. I tell her to keep her feet on ground, tough some parts of dreams seems so good to be true in her relation. Keep Allah's in her pray and way, in case anything bad happen.

If we involving Allah in every time of our life, every aspects of our mind, we just get the best blessed only. There's no lose or fault even misery if we do it .

Just a simple story, I got invitation, my heart scream with whom I should go to an event which I even had bike to ride on in the event, then Allah lead me to another friend. Some how, in sudden. One of the bless involving Allah in your life. Simple thing, but because I think its not small case, its big thing If I am not able to grateful for such easiness, I tend to forget the rest of Allah's gift.

End Stream

2011-04-12T22:36:00.004+07:00

They all gather in a room. They shares, the have hope for the generation. I had the access to be important piece from the big puzzle. But I feel terrible. I am gonna cry. Cry, its an option if there is chance for. I chasing after something for my life. My passion. My personal passion. I am gonna miss them all and their hope. I can not promise anything ... but I will do my obligation. The best as I could. Not about the job or money, for the sake of them. But if one day I should leave all, something that I enjoy, such this enjoyable, I don't know what to say.
One thing I could promise is.... I will do the best for all of you dear parents.

Maybe I will fight in other side. There is always end of something. Later I will accomplished my mission. To make the world view my point of view and everybody - the special every body could enjoy my works. Everybody, including you my special students.

End Stream is just a start. Happy ending novel that I made through Indonesia's publisher. Its my first step. My beginning. I am going to be serious for this. I am. Alhamdulillah Allah ArRahman, I meet my passion earlier. Blessed me in this choice, let me die while doing the passion.

Amin, ya mujibassailin.

It is your life, it is always your life, but people make your life as live.
-Lanee-

ApriLove , April Fool

2011-04-03T21:33:00.003+07:00

Who said being human is easy?

You should know love. Then nurture it, grow with it, have loyal about it. Love is sometimes make human so unhuman. Make human to hurt, kill one another, each other to be able keep the love.

I found this case in Jakarta.

A man happily, was happy. He met finally meet his spouse through facebook, then they get married. But the man should feel suffer for his love. Somehow God turn the happy marriage into fact. The guy wife, beloved wife for 6 month is a Man. The un-gay guy married the man who is actually a transition gender street criminal. The guy now prison the ex wife with charge as fake gender crime. Love fool? Some times

Then I found another fact.

The online friend who became husband and wife. One is a Indonesian woman, who kindly help her online buddy on chat room. The woman never ever imagine she would done the long distance relation ship with the guy he meet online. The guy also a foreigner. Western meet eastern. In small cyber public place called chat room. Now, they have son and they live happily ever after. They even published their love story in local Jakarta Magazine. Not famous as previous case, but I see the same ideas. Loves fool. But this happy couple doing better preparation than just getting married.

It's fool love, you loose some mind, you drop somethings, you fantasize the smile and everything that beautiful. You just seem out of the world. You shouldn't to drunk when in love. Keep your self alive and alert. Pick the best guidance when you in love. For me, I pick the creator of love. God. He will lead to the real love tough we've been addict in love.

Happy April, Happy to be in Love

Orait

2011-03-15T20:53:00.003+07:00

Things sometimes, come to be our problem which is also be our way out. Solution I always see it clearly after all the confuse, mistakes and something makes me not simple. But as always, I ask to some my problem solver friends, include my dad.

Orait, means OK. Its come from Indonesia Slank, means alright. To have problem you must be ready to state this ORAIT. You accept things and refuse somethings, in the end, the best way is you have to say alright, okay means you have some consideration, which is will lead you to decision.
Its simple word, but it state that you agree, couple % understand, some % disagree.

Just follow the next clue in your problem, which you also can have after you feel alright. Take your time, ask to God what's the best. As long you still shows to God you are hard work to get the best decision, in other side you also be ready for the reality bites, everything gonna be ORAIT.

Writing March

2011-03-02T19:43:00.007+07:00

Menulis itu adiktif. Sudah menelurkan satu karya maka akan ketagihan untuk berkarya lagi. Walaupun cuma amatiran. Dalam sebuah proyek baru aku menuliskan sebuah surat cinta. Hari gini? Surat cinta? Masya Allah, kelaut aja gimana? Lebih populer ke laut dari pada menulis surat cinta. Tapi kali ini, aku menulis untuk membuang sial. Haha merasa gagal di satu keesempatan, kurang pede di satu profesi, buang buang mimpi di surat cinta.

Entah apa yang merasuki saat kubuat surat cinta ini. Surat Untuk Jodohku. Judulnya maut cuy... dangdut juga nggak, tapi menarik. Hahahay... being twenty something and you are single it's painful for reality surround. Sometimes. I enjoy my life. But I eager to achieve something too. Including this heart beat faith thing. And... akhirnya tertulis lah surat untuk kekasih abadi itu. Indahnya, satu jam kurang surat itu selesai. Surat yang dibuat oleh seorang single available whahahha-ini iklan dot com.

Kupanggil dia Senor. Bukan namanya Seno, bukan juga dimulai dengan huruf S. Kebetulan jodohnya lagi didalam perjalanan, untuk menjemput jodohnya yang menulis blog ini tentu saja. Bwahahhaaa

Eniwei... Its fun to write. Menulis itu skali amat seru. Seperti mengeluarkan kalimat kalimat isi hati atau sekedar curahan hati orang. Sudahkah aku menulis? Sudahkah aku menggagas novel atau story book? Pertanyaan itu mengomporiku setiap hari. Bahkan juga menjauhkanku dari realita terkadang. Ini sudah dimulai. Gerilya perang nafsu untuk menulis dan malas menulis sudah dimulai.

Sejak 1994 sudah memimpikan Agatha Christie, sejak 1988 sudah membaca buku cerita bergambar, sejak 1992, sudah menikmati suspense dan drama. Untuk apa menunggu diri ini menua lagi? Sudah waktunya berpassion, bukan hanya berkarir. Berjuang untuk sepuluh tahun mendatang yang saya canangkan sebagai tahun belajar menulis----sungguh I am so procrastinator! Sepuluh tahun jadi kegemilangan. Suka dan senang dalam sepuluh tahun mendatang siap dinikmati. Demi sebuah kata dan profesi idaman yang berkata dasar sama. Tulis!

Menulislah sebelum Anda ditulis oleh malaikat--looo??
Pak Hernowo yang penuulis dan pembaca ulung juga memiliki ketajaman misi. Mengikat Makna. Ikatlah makna diri Anda.... dalam tulisan. Karena tulisan adalah bahasa berekspresi, bahasa jiwa dan kejujuran terhadap diri. Indah kan? Mari semua menulis setidaknya kembangkan pikiran bukan cuma jadi status fesbuk atau twitter sajah!

Lets marchin in March!

This is Serious!

2011-02-16T21:33:00.004+07:00

Whats come in mind?
One word: serious.
I get serious to get what I want. No matter how. Allah will, I will have it. This targets its been to long to get pending. Now it's the year.
1> Build a career. Exactly! I don't feel my career and my job is match. I need renew this. I just did. First my online novel was uploaded. Yay!!!!

2> Build a brand. No being popular its not my choice. I just like to SPREADING the IDEAS , specially when its all about book and humanity. Yes , start build my brand image as woman who likes books and humanity beneath the cooking goal... bhahaha

3> Obsessed to family matter. All singles like this. Be in the relationship.So do I :))) I get really really really serious to this. I choose way which uncommon, but as I said, if Allah will, I will have it. Insha Allah

4> Positive Impulsive. Being impulsive its not 100% wrong. It's gonna be wrong when its already unplanned. So my impulsiveness should lead to plan.... Yes, as if how impulsive I am to conquer the travel accros country. Wooohooo. Ganbatte, June will be my witness.

Thats it?
No... other details its same old wishes. Being a muslim , better each day. Its the best bless ever and serious matter ever!

My Will-Before Time End for me

2011-02-05T15:08:00.001+07:00

1. Pay all the bill
2. Forgive and forget those person who hurt me
3. Take vacation with parents
4. Spread my social site passwords to trusted person to open it when
I am not around
5. Heritage some things to some persons
6. Go diving
7. Saying "I love you" deeply trough the eyes to someone that in my MPP list- Most Precious Person

Like an arrow

2011-01-26T19:16:00.002+07:00

Just tell simple lines.
A big bite not always for big tummy. Many matters not only for weak people. But it for someone who feel want to be stronger.Officially I realize it has been bigger than just work get paid, its bigger responsibility, bigger everything. Can not imagine all, I just should be ready for the next surprises, after all the last surprises.

In forward days, I need hand to hold, in other time I need a cave to hide and think . Its just been many years for me to live like this. Don't ever try to control me over something which I think it's not proper. Let me learn and feel first, then hit me with critics, its A HELP for me.

Arrow is light, but sharp. Let me sharpen my knowledge, let build my power, let me balance my skill and let me rebound my anger. SO I will be lighter and straight

Friday Freak

2011-01-20T23:26:00.004+07:00

useless, pain, criticism, spy,traitor,unstable label,untrustworthy, justification, denial,
Freak Friday break me down and melt
through the J town traffic
against the dusty mist and facts
cry over
sop by just to cry
i HATE fRIDAY NIGHT SCENE
judgement, tired, sadness

INCOGNITO / Still A Friend Of Mine

2011-01-11T20:11:00.000+07:00

I dream this before

2010-12-24T09:08:00.002+07:00

OMG, subhanallah. Its been on my head before, all this feeling? All the nervous, curious. Its same thing. All the song, scene, face. Do I wrong this time? to be honest, its circumstances that I made.. But I enjoy this. I really like this.

Anything wrong here? Why keep connecting from the same feeling like before. I don't know. Is it good or bad? I lead to the right path or wrong side? If I imagine all, I fix all this coincidence puzzle... Its the right one. Right picture for my life. Tough its really a surprise. Its big surprise.

I want more than this feeling. I want action. The path couldn't straight away just like that? There must be a reason. I want it all Allah, more than anything. Lead me trough, blessed me in this choice. Any chance, after the circumstances that I made.

Make this more than just resolution, its a mission should be accomplished.
Amin,

Sagittarian

2010-12-21T18:30:00.001+07:00

Section 1: How You Approach Life and How You Appear To Others

You are a gentle, sensitive person with a deep understanding
of people and a very tolerant, accepting, nonjudgmental approach
towards life. In a noisy, competitive atmosphere you are often
receding and withdrawn for you are not an aggressive, forceful
person, and you intensely dislike conflict. In fact you tend to
be somewhat passive, to wait, watch, observe, feel and know much
- but to act little. Letting things resolve or work themselves
out in their own way, rather than directing or forcing your will
upon them, is often your way of dealing with problems.

Section 2: The Inner You: Your Real Motivation

You are a gambler and an adventurer at heart, one who loves
to take risks, to discover and explore new worlds, and to take
the untried path rather than the safe, reliable one. You are an
independent soul, freedom-loving, and often very restless. You
need a lifestyle that provides opportunities for travel,
movement, change, and meeting new people. A steady routine which
offers much in the way of security but little in the way of space
and freedom is odious to you.

Heart Breath

2010-11-19T19:15:00.000+07:00

Sebelum momen itu datang lagi, momen jadi manusia dengan umur yang panjang, berharap ada sebuah keajaiban indah berhiaskan permata hati. Keajaiban yang dinanti sejak lama. Wahai Maha Pengasih, cukupkan umurku dan kesehatanku menyambut sebuah hari indah bagi setiap manusia biasa. Genapkan setengah imanku dalam ikatan cinta manusia. Apapun caranya, asal indah dipandangan mataMu, aku meniti dengan hati hati. Sebuah asa panjang dan kuat untuk kekokohan hati. Sebuah tuntunan indah untuk kemesraan hati dan iman, untuk sebuah kebahagiaan dunia dengan landasan yang hakiki. Segenap hati ini bertaruh akan kemampuan dan keyakinan: Itu akan terjadi. Bersabarlah. Entah mengapa hari ini tiba. Hari merayakan kedatangan insan yang lama dinanti.

Amin ya mujibassailin

Semua Allah yang mengatur, bahkan jika jalanku mundur, Allah Maha Kuasa atas segalanya.

Duhai hati, kuatkan kasihmu, yakinkan niat mu, berikan cahaya bahagia dalam sebuah realita,genapkan semua ini lewat doa yang terus mengalun makin lama makin naik ke surga sana. Biarkan surga memberkahi doa dan mimpi ini. Amin ya mujibassailin :) :)

Antara Hati, Logika dan Ucapan

2010-10-31T20:09:00.000+07:00

Suatu saat , terucap kalimat pendek yang aneh dari seorang teman kecil. Kalau sudah pakai cincin Lan berarti apa?" Haduh... Bingung menjawabnya teman, kamu berhati bersih lalu menayakan sebuah tujuan hidupku di tahun tahun belakangan. Setelah dia menyahut lagi , seolah mengulang sambil meyakinkan pertanyaan, "iya, menikah". Muncul pertanyaan aktif, "kapan pakai cincinnya?". Teman itu menjawab dengan pasti dan yakin bulan Februari tanggal 14.˘•˘ нɑɑ˘°˘нɑɑ˘°˘нɑɑ ˘•˘. Antara hati dan logika mulai bertilak belakang. Skeptis. Tapi teringat sebuah pernyataan teman kecil yang tepat ketika diberi pertanyaan tentang hari, dengan clue tanggal dan bulan. Dengan akurat jawabannya benar. Tanpa melihat kalendar.

Hati dan doa, kedekatan yang lucu saya dan teman itu , somehow meyakinkan hati dan logika ini. Tercetus tag line konyol tapi pasti :

Shocktober, BringitoNovember, BlesseDesember, GrandJanuary, LoveoFebruary.

Amazing. Semua menyatukan hati, logika dan ucapan.

Inthisnote : my hand some Andra Wibowo, wish u all the blessed and loved life.

Tanpa batas

2010-09-18T00:15:00.001+07:00

Akhir itu bisa selalu hadir, biarpun awal telah berlalu. Aku membayangkan kereta yang ditunggu semua penumpang.Awal yang ramai,meriah. Begitu bersemangat seolah energi bepergian tak akan habis. Setiap hari banyak juga permulaan, awalan yang dinanti. Mentari pagi pasti sangat dinanti bagi semua pria yang akan melamar wanitanya,atau loper koran yang bersemangat membawakan berita pagi sampai ke depan pintu. Itulah sebuah start, garis mula. BPenuh cita yang berbahagia. Adapun Dalam perjalanan pasti bertemu episode panjang. Penuh liku dan berbatu. Inilah sebuah proses.Banyak orang memulai start dalam proses, dalam pertengahan. Perjalanan dimulai lagi dari awal.Bagi ku ini sebuah pengecualian.Mereka itu harus tertatih lagi, mengulang awal hidup, awal cinta,bahkan mula benci karena hempasan pilihan hidup.

Aku, dalam pertengahanku,menemui semua awal kehidupan.Teman banyak berbagi padaku, hidup mereka yang harus direstart.alsan pun muncul beragam, karena takdir, pilihan atau janji yang diingkari. Kata mereka rasanya sakit sekali. Beberapa masih menelan pahitnya, beberapa teman pandai menutupi sakitnya, kebanyakan tAkut menjalani lagi sebuah kehidupan awal yang berbeda.

Aku mulai melihat semua, yang sudah dimulai, tak akan kehilangan awal.Karena perjalanan kita adalah unlimited, tanpa batas. Kematian bukan akhir. Itu sebuah awal kehidupan.Kelahiran juga bukan awal. Itu proses dalam penciptaan. Aku takut, menjalani yang tanpa batas ini.Namun... Keabadian kasih dan cintaNya menembus semua takut, dalam sebuah proses. Proses mencintaiNya tanpa batas.

Last Ramadhan

2010-09-13T15:00:00.000+07:00

I had courage, more than before. On Ramadhan I decide to do things: simple trust to myself for buy things, organize things which need handle with care. Somehow this berry gadget lead me to simple search. ADHD for going deeper. Its just beginning tough, its just simple articles and tests tough, but I am going too far. I am testing my self. I am open to myself about this. Read and check to my daily habits. Allah, I may be at risk for this disabilities. Things that had ruin my life, my abilities but somehow I survive get to know aall these. Its like look my self in mirror but I swim into my reflection. Its like find a way out for my life's goal. Its me and my risk on adult ADHD.

Small present for my life, in Ramadhan.

Enter the Gate of Survive

2010-09-13T11:28:00.001+07:00

Don't tell me I am crazy. To be like this, with out of any courage, its truly
hard. But what can I say, I leave my self like this, I enjoy it, I let it all happen. When every busy with their family , their mini future. Boy I wish someone can explain, this comfort zone, being not in any relation ship , carefree. It's just me and my future.

Then something shocked me. It is impossible for me. this has become serious issue, this has be my moms pray, to see me in special human needs call being with someone. Well let me found my self on my own gallery. I might has special case for the one who read this written feeling, I am going to pursue my episode , being a love one, as I love my self, I will pursue through YOU! Yes, you, someone who read this. With all your big heart , you will understand part of me. Till we meet again then. Yes.

Its just a bit scratch of being 20 something, quite horrible but fun enough. But I don't want to be the loner forever. That's it.

si Pendosa

2010-07-06T00:15:00.002+07:00

nanar mataku bagai keringanan jiwanya
lumatan benci bumbu dalam hati
salah adalah kata mati
benci kiasan dan lelucon terbaik
kenalkan aku
si Pendosa.....

cela, hina, hukuman
rasa terbaik untuk dilimpahkan
abaikan sang pendosa selamanya?

bukankah marah datang dari neraka?
tapi pendosa juga tahu neraka panas tak bertuan.
pendosa tahu,Allah maha melihat
bahkan secuil niat dari pendosa

Allah, jalan terang itu butuh duri dan hantaman
maka ampunkan jiwa kotor murka merana ini
demi cahaya tulus bahagia,bernama nurani

something made me mad,mostly sad, came from Anger King: I beg to Allah, not to Any Other"

-.-

2010-07-02T20:38:00.001+07:00

see ..
i am a runner but can not hide
i face all rain, storm, even thunder
i know, i will be hurt
it's ok
this pain just for the goal
and intense
Allah knows all

a day with love

2010-06-05T21:19:00.002+07:00

My pondering heart
My tears go by
My pray fly away
My destiny
is...

to be with you.

Just like the wind blow in shiny day
Know how should treat day
Listen to my anger
Ready for helping hand
Bond in sticky promises

I
hardly
lost
it

But I know,
I won't
I just miss that

Happy Reading!

2010-05-26T00:47:00.004+07:00

I always wondering, how come people do this and that ,while I feel doin nothing? Nop... It's not doing nothing, what I do just more simple, but happy for me. I move forward to able keep this happy. Happy in what? Nothing but what I called: curiosity... Based on curious it turn into a solid aim. It change in to action, which be foundation of my own life. But use one simple key: learning.
So here I am, land in sea stay,in an island--which need to handle the basic survive, but I am sure,99% sure in this island I can swim to the sea still. Not only become the survivor in the island, but use the island and the sea also.

Bla bla just my small talks about my present job. Which consist of action such as happy reading! Not only book, but mind...personality, hopes, dreams. Read not only join words into meaning, it will growing into understanding. Then action is appear.

Happy reading !(in my lovely island:P)

The Land of Lan

2010-05-20T22:21:00.005+07:00

This new thing is totally different.Wow.. I am so in to this thing. Super job--at least for me. I love this. This game that flip everything,but open many hearts. Single thing is important, single way is about connecting. That is all the job about. I think I had found my land...with all those bad experience hem.

I am listening

2010-05-14T23:07:00.004+07:00

Well...
I don't want this feeling
I don't want to be in this condition
But when it's hurt me, I don't know how it's coming....
I am really feel the old silly stupid pain
Why can't they trust me, try ti understand me..

I am struggling for this big matter but might be simple case for some people.

God, I am listening, why can't they understand me....

Keputusan baru

2010-04-27T18:19:00.004+07:00

Menanti keputusan.
Inilah keputusan yang menetukan arah hidup. Yakin sekali... akan ada major mind set changing, tidak pernah terpikir untuk mengarungi hidup sehari hari bersama anak anak special. Special dari segi penciptaan. tapi yakin I will get something from them.
More than what I asked about money. It's gonna be full of tears includes smile. I want it God. That special please for those special children.
I am very sure I can share to other parents aka my friends that has special child. Hmmm Gonna growin well I guess

So hire me people!
Amin

Angel in Silent

2010-04-18T20:45:00.000+07:00

angel in silent

feeling inside

2010-04-12T16:12:00.003+07:00

long...
I know it something good
something that must be very suitable for me
That's all i can feel
The feel of the place, new habitat!
The art of knowing human. From other side.
I am very much sure, miracles could happen there, my writing could enriched everyday,specially the loyal of working I will had. May it be the last.

It's coming soon in this year,
all pretty things after all tears
yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No more please
Hatred or else
just me and other side of the world..

No Air

2010-04-04T03:33:00.003+07:00

I wish that everything ok. But it needs challenge. To be grow in a place which I don't like at all. I will quit if this uncomfortable keep bigger. If all mistakes I can not fix, it's not my faults. Someone in charge.
I just need a place to grow. where my inspiration hug me everyday, where solid spirit appear, it's not about the cash. It's all about feelin. Ahhh something that I couldn't handle. To have something with feel.
This job is killing me and my imagination. Hu
Will this has important message?
Probably. It must be.

----------------
Now playing: Coldplay - Talk
via FoxyTunes

Y

2010-04-01T19:53:00.002+07:00

WHAT IS WRONG?

I am feel uncomfortable....
I need really comfortable place
Why it always come after I choose something.....
I need something that I love so bad but it's not on my hand now
----------------
Now playing: Incubus - Love Hurts
via FoxyTunes

2010-03-14T02:05:00.002+07:00

lazy Sunday,
Just me and tv also de couch!

Abit

On going

2010-03-14T02:01:00.003+07:00

Hoah...
God I am so boring
But you gave me great week
I got crazy Wednesday with ma best friend :)
Nice painful on feet, refresh

But I am still stuck
I want a progress
Can I have ?At least about my writing, my goals

Sometimes I lost way
I keep knowing
Where should I am going
What should I am doing
Is this called consistence?

Reborn

2010-01-16T02:37:00.002+07:00

It's like climbing the hill
It's like walking on the sand
Every step it's worthed
Every breath it's extraordinary

Let me do this
something I do with all my heart
Let me die with this
The thing that I want forever
Let me be me in this
When I feel I am what I am

Stop blaming me
I am not the dreamer
Just be here
sit with me
cry with me
to see my life forever

26

2009-12-19T01:16:00.001+07:00

Alhamdulillah
26 sudah lewat
terimakasih untuk marah yang terjadi
kebencian yang tertumpuk
penyesalan yang dalam
serta pengkhianatan yang lumayan keji

Tangis pilu yang ada di masa itu
Membawa ke dalam tahapan hidup selanjutnya
Membawa tawa yang akan datang
meraih harap yang belum terwujud

Tak ada yang terlewat di 26
semuanya genap jadi satu
siap menatap episode lain
yang tak kalah haru, tak kalah heboh, tak kalah berpeluh

Sehari sebelum 26 pergi
Adalah perubahan dalam batang otak
menyeruak simetris asimetris antar neuron
sejarah harus mengubah untuk menjadi yang lebih baik
maka datanglah secara bermakna tahapan kehidupan yang lebih indah
amin

Pekik cinta pun tak kalah seru di 26.
Apalagi sesudahnya
sampai jumpa 26....

Fake

2009-10-15T20:36:00.000+07:00

Twig that I hold on has broken
Falling … Aching
Heart beat keep moving
As if this scene, the freeze paused scene never happen
The bird yelling the wind
To wake me up
Standing and facing world
Say to my self that I am ok.

I am not
I am still crying for the moment
The moment : dead end for me
I should turn
Leave all crowd
Believing my own choice
And
Voila: rain has come trough the brightest day

Untuk Hidup

2009-10-02T19:28:00.001+07:00

Redamkan kekuatan adalah menolak alam

Hentikan gelombang adalah mengikat harapan

Jadi jangan biarkan semua yang datang tiba tiba
Mematikan ruh

Hidupkan ruh dalam kekusutan bencana

Kuatkan tangis yang suaranya pedih melngking

Langit mendengar semua

Bumi yang tergolak mematangkan kekuatan

Semua kehancuran adalah pembaruan

Sedih untuk beberapa saat,

Kalaupun terasa lama...

Ingatlah sebuah hari ketika semuanya bisa kau nikmati

Makan, minum, bernafas dalam udara yang luas.

Maka kau masih tetap HIDUP.

I am

2009-09-05T13:56:00.004+07:00

Once I call my self stupid
once I call my self ,my middle name is "naif"
once I call my self mad
once I call my self lazy

Once I had known, I am not stupid
I choose this, which is right tough it's hard
Once I had understand, I am not naif
I had to tell the truth tough it's pain for you

Later if I am mad
I will ask my self not too
I will tell my self that you just different
And it's just me different
Why should shame about this.

Later if I am lazy
I will ask my self to get up
Stand up and work hard
To make my self understand
and so life is.

"Why accept different is so hard for you?"

a man and a glass of wine

2009-09-05T13:40:00.003+07:00

He stood in mid day
staring the lay of earth
sound keeps whispering "come what may"

Couple minute after
when the cloud blow faster
he grab his pocket
turn on the lighter
blocked the coldness
by a cigarrete

Next
you see him
sit next to the tree
whispering nothing to be
he keep the silent
but empty follow
mad mix with question
hundred of why

until he reach
how to end all the questions
get assumptions
"that shouldn't be stopped"
with final conclution

day has weakened into
light that broken
darkness warrior is glorify sky
time to celebrate the conclution
he take a glass of wine
taste good
drink more and more
while he reach empty called satisfy
where mind and logic tricked
a starter ; wine
his day shouldn't end
his question supposed to keep goin on

?

2009-08-29T15:23:00.000+07:00

Seribu satu pertanyaan
seribu satu kenapa
seribu satu alasan untuk memastikan
Seribu satu penasaran
Seribu satu

Tak berujung
Tak berhenti
Kerap kali muncul
Selalu datang dalam episode episode kegelisahan

Jawaban yang sama
ikhlas
terima
nikmati
jalani

mungkin, ketika berhenti bertanya
jadi berhenti tahu
maka tetap bertanya
walaupun
jawabannya akan sama serupa

Survivor

2009-08-14T04:56:00.003+07:00

I will disappear

The crowd that I will leave

I will be in unknown Island

To live as human and animal

Learn how to get rid Sh*t things properly

Manage the devils words

Swallow this pain and enjoy it

When I return

You shall see me as survivor

You never change I will be better

Understand life is understand my self

peacefully living with my mistakes and history and problems

Survivor Island

Canvas ~ Ken Hirai

2009-08-09T05:34:00.004+07:00

Sometimes, in a white canvas, live will be more beautiful, better than what we feel.

Tunda Lalu...

2009-07-18T19:43:00.001+07:00

Ketika keramaian, kau buat aku makin sepi
Dalam semua haru kepergian
Derai tawa yang aneh dan konyol
tergantikan
Ukiran sabar begitu dalam
Lapangnya menyambut takdir realiti
Garis sudah akan tersambung
Tanpa jeda tangis ini
Tak akan ada benang merah menuju jalan baru

Langit memberikan udara
Aku bisa bernafas dalam perih dan sedih
Nyatanya semua luka ini
Memberikan keluasan hati
Pikiran
Kesabaran
Terima kasih
Allah,
Buka kan lagi jalan selamat
Kuatkan aku melaksanakannya
Dengan cara yang baik

It was The Saddest Dinner

2009-07-15T21:17:00.002+07:00

Hanya memakan makanan yang dimasak dengan cinta. Makanan yang diberikan oleh rezeki Allah. Nikmat karena lapar juga suah mendera.

Datang gangguan ... seorang tamu bertamu. Maka ia hanya bisa menemuinya dengan kesal. Ternyata buakn itu semua masalahnya. Masalahnya adalah ia memendam sesuatu.

Maka bertuturlah ia, dalam kerutan wajahnya yang lekat dan dalam, kesinisan atau kritik terhadap ngeri ini bukan itu yang kudengar. Atau pertanyaan tentang pekerjaanku. Tapi tentang bagian dari keluarga.

Ia memberi nama anak ini ketika lahir dengan nama terbaik, dengan doa yang terlantun tiap hari.

Tuhan, aku tak pernah menatapnya di detik itu. Cuma bisa mendengar mengeluh sambil menangis... Padahal ia tak menangis di depan siapapun.

I pray for you... Someday we won't see the tears again.

On this WED,

2009-07-15T21:07:00.002+07:00

So so so

Weird, restless

Maybe the truth should be shouted?

I am still ok, but they aren't

Huah
It's tiring to keep listen devil

But Angel seems ok.

So I feel right. I don't care what they think. I AM THE VICTIM

Maybe I still mad, sad. It takes time to heal...

Pemberian atau peminjaman

2009-07-11T09:12:00.003+07:00

Kembalikan yang sudah diberi?

Dua peristiwa berurutan dalam hari yang sama: mengembalikan barang pemberian.

Lagi in apa yak?

Kalau sudah memberikan, kan berarti sudah hak milik kepada yang diberikan. Betul kan? Untuk apa dikembalikan. Kecuali ada kata-kata kembalikan. Berarti memang harus dikembalikan. Dan itu bukan pemberian tapi peminjaman.

Semuanya jadi gak sesuai kalau ada unsur sakit hati di dalamnya. Yah entahlah. Penilaian terlalu dini, tapi bukankah yang sudah diberi tidak bisa kita minta kembali.
Balik lagi niat memberinya dulu apa.

Tidak gampang sih mengembalikan sesuatu. Apalagi barang yang diberikan diberi dengan kasih sayang dan harapan. Namun ketika harapan tak sesuai kenyataan... Kasih sayang sudah tak ada.... maka mengembalikan jadi pilihan. Walaupun itu adalah sebuah pemberian.

Lebih susah lagi mengembalikan kepercayaan..
Satu hal yang belum bisa diterima.
Kembali percaya butuh pembuktian.
Ya nggak?

"kehilangan kepercayaan pada beberapa orang :("

Broken APART

2009-07-04T21:14:00.004+07:00

I don't get why you do such thing

It's wonderful two years, happy and warm

Not until the decision coming

You can not take the different

YOU JUDGE ME BY ASSUMED THINGS
IT DAMN HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU LIE AND LET ME BROKE DOWN

I am ok with whole prejudice

I am ok with whole judge that so silly

GROW UP PEOPLE!!!!

speechless

are you my friend that I can love? Because I think I was love you....

It's Just Me

2009-05-20T19:47:00.002+07:00

I am nobody
But a human
Living in dilemma
Breathing in a pain
Swimming in joyful life
Grateful in crying

I am nobody
Who wishes for a man
Living in joy
Sharing in love
Together in wonderful life
With you

I am nobody
Who will say ‘I do’ to my deen
Raise up my hand for good hard works
Constantly loving a God
Believing crowded angel next to me

I am nobody
But want to be humanity human
I am nobody
who stand for my dreams
I am nobody
Could cry in the daylight

2009-05-17T19:54:00.001+07:00

Daisukii kono uta wa >_<

Janji yang Pecah

2009-05-14T04:23:00.005+07:00

iamge copied from http://www.lukechueh.com/images/sightings2/Fan%20Art/heart-break-Jeremy-Patten.jpg

Dalam kemeriahan, gegap gempita suka cita, sebuah akhir perjalanan sebagi gadis.
Menantikan sang lelaki datang dengan segala keindahan cinta yang dibina lama. Maka klimaks terjadi ketika janji setia menjalani hidup bersama diucap di hadapan para saksi langit dan bumi. Sepenggal doa dari para tetamu mencair dan menuju langit lewat angin dalam kata 'amin' . Kebahagiaan hendak diraih , keberkahan ingin dilaksanakan, berbalut rasa cinta dua manusia.

Perjalanan tertorehkan. Kartu kartu as yang tertahan saat masa perkenalan mulai meunjukkan. Siapa dia, siapa aku. Siapa kita. Bagaimana kita memihak, adakah rasa cinta bisa mengalahkan semua perbedaan? Adakah cinta memberikan kenetralan ketika ikatan ini digoncang konflik ataupun dibelah ego? Semua rasa, cinta sedih marah dan cinta,bergulat dalam waktu yang lama. Namun rasa cinta yang tulus untuk menerima dan mencinta terkikis.

Waktu yang lama membuktikan, siapa orang yang hidup bersama selam ini. Janji saat langit merestui itu terbatalkan. TAk ada lagi sumpah setia dan janji suci yang diamini semua orang. Berpisah menjadi ujung bagi semua perasaan yang campur aduk ini. Maka ditetapkan lagi, tak akan ada sebuah perjanjian hidup semati. Semua luluh lantak karena kebenaran yang membuka. Kebenaran yang mungkin harus dilihat jauh sebelum janji agung diucapkan. Adakah ini karma? Ataukah episode hidup yang berat untuknya.

Apapun ini, maka Allah akan menggantikan dnegan kejadian yang jauh lebih baik, rasa yang tak lagi indah, akan datang kembali, dengan kejernihan penilaian hati.

"Kuharap para wanita itu teguh dan memiliki harapan untuk bersama lagi,dengan pria yang tepat."

Amin

Hati itu Merah

2009-05-10T00:19:00.005+07:00

image from http://www.uscranberries.com/images/health/cranberry_heart.jpg

Rasa dalam angan berawan
Meniupkan sebuah harapan
perasaan yang melayang layang
Adakah ini mimpi atau obsesi
Namun mentari menetapkan rupa
diantara kumpulan awan angan
Membiarkan rasa ini lepas pada hangatnya sang raja

Angan berawan menjauh
Melepuh akan panas realiti yang lekat
Ia tak lagi semata dalam awan anganku
Sebuah mentari menyadarkan
Biarkan awan angan ini lepas

Menerima awan lain yang penuh kesedihan datang
Merusak siang panas kenytaan
Memberikan hadiah dari langit
Sebuah hujan raya bagi awan yang bergejolak
Lalu semua titik air itu mengubah panas jadi kesegaran
Walau dalam rasa yang sendu.

Rasa akan jauh lebih indah
Karena mentari hadir lagi
Dalam awan berpelangi
Kini titik hujan akan datang dalam waktu yang berat nan panjang

tada kimi wo aishitai

2009-05-02T23:03:00.002+07:00

Ada hadiah besar..
Yakin deh
Setelah menunggu sekian lama
Dengan satu kata keteguhan : KONSISTENSI dan USAHA

Tidak akan tersiakan doa seorang Hamba yang menghamba
Atas kegigihan berusaha
Dalam harapan yang dalam dan ikhlas

Maka ya Rabb..

Kututup keraguan
Menilai Kejujuran
Bahwa Kau akan memberi apa yang kubutuhkan
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Amin

Hati yang Membiru

2009-04-26T20:25:00.002+07:00

Tumpah
Berserakan jadi seribu
Perasaan ini mendarat di mana
Tak jua dimengerti
Rindu yang pecah membahana
Menggelagak ke atas langit
Menerpa angan dalan harapan
Membiarkan saja benci mengurai tanpa daur yang sederhana
Tidak pernah ada kepahitan
Semuanya keindahan dalam keinginan
Tapi rasanya sakit meluap luap
Kangen yang tak terperi
Kasih yang entah kapan jadi solid dan real
Huh apa namanya ini?
Sudah rusak definisinya
Bukan cinta ataupun suka
Kehilangan makna
Namun rasa begitu dalam

Jangan hentikan, aku mau semuanya dimulai!

Mix match my heart

Regen Staat
2009*04*26
The point is I feel you!

Pak, sabar

2009-04-22T19:54:00.003+07:00

Mereka berlari dari petugas berompi dan berpentungan. Petugas itu seperti nya senang sekali meminggirkan hidup mati mereka. Mereka cuma numpang berjualan di pinggir jalan yang memang ditebengin tanda dilarang stop. Area yang bukanlah pasar namun dijadikan transaksi jual beli. Satu sosok yang tertangkap mata. Seorang bapak usai 45 tahunan, membopong erat anaknya di punggung sementara kedua tangan nya sibuk mendorong gerobak bua-buahannya yang segede gaban. Ya Allah, rasanya baru kemarin lihat lamborghini berseliweran di Jakarta, kok kontras sekali dengan bapak ini yang tidak memiliki apapun selain semangat berjualan. Itupun harus adu panas dan adu mulut dengan petugas.

Maka lengangkanlah rezeki mereka ya Rabb. Jauhkan dari kekafiran walau mereka fakir.

Whatever

2009-04-10T22:51:00.007+07:00

Nothing is unplanned, all written down already.

Short message text from my friend,a woman that ever had break from engagement:

punya cwo bingung..., g pny cwo, kbingungan... bsk tmn angkatan aq nikah, dr kmrn,aq dtny kpn nyusul. tau g milan, aq skuat tng utk g nangis n aq hanya senyum senyum getir.

Just reply to her:

Sabar n ikhlas,Jawabannya cuma itu bukan? walau harus dengan tangis, whatever!

Maybe, I am not her, but I am sure, I've been in the situation that exactly like her. So my pray everyday only to assure my self that the right time will came, to me
had a companion in life just like the other. You just have to be sure and release all worries. Time is clicking but pray is flying way up tough.

Whatever will be Di!

@ TPS 2009

2009-04-09T11:14:00.005+07:00

9 April 2009

Jalan ke TPS , masih bingung bagaimana prosedur mencontreng, tapi dengan pedenya memberikan pengarahan pada voter terdekat--nyokap:).

Begitu tiba di TPS, melihat beberapa kertas suara yang akan dicontreng, dengan polosnya bertanay pada petugas. Bagian mana yang di contreng? Untung petugasnya ramah ini bu... bla-bla

Lalu.. tiba di box pemilih, sat set sot.. cukup 2.5 menit mencontreng partai. Begitu surat suara terakhir.. nah lo? sapa pula ini muka muka orang DPD. Yah... yang mengiklankan deket rumah sajalah yang di pilih. Maap maap kalo salah pilih, dosa si bapak deh kalo ga amanah. Karena kalau dibiarkan kosong juga sayang, akhir memilih juga si bapak DPD.

Tak lama nyokap akhirnya bercerita juga keluar dari TPS, "Lan, itu yang gambar orang semua gimana?"
"Ya udah ga pa pa deh. Yang penting partainya di contreng kan?"
"Iya partainya sih udah. Tadi yang gambar orang semua sih ga diapa-apain"
"Gak pa pa." Ga penting amat kan?Lo :)

Future

2009-04-03T23:41:00.004+07:00

Hey,,,

I had twice dejavu in a day, more than five times in a week , in the middle of losing someone, missing someone, waiting for someone. Is this something ? Is this has meaning for me.

When I stare the image that I want to do to someday, in the moment where every smile are rise up, every flower is cherish and crowded of family and friend that mixing..

I feel is it really that I wish every day. Is it right?

Time will answer it. I believe so. Insha Allah, I will be on that moment with you.

Amin.

I'm (feel) Hot

2009-04-02T20:58:00.004+07:00

Alhamdulillah... Alhamdulillah.. Lama tak keluar juga rasa sedih. Yang tertutupi rasa bahagia. Sudah lah datang saja. Akan baik-baik saja. Akan menambah cita rasa hati dan pikiran. Cuaca yang panas membakar emosi, tapi dibalik rasa panas dan sedih yang jadi satu, sebuah keyakinan makin nyata. Semua doa akan terkabul, semua hadiah Ilahi akan didapat. Tidak apa-apa, walau harus melewati fase tekanan panas ini. Moga-moga tetap cool dan segar.

Terpikirkan :

melirik sebuah iklan mobil yang dibawah billboard segede gaban, ada tulisan : sudah diekspor ke lebih dari 71 negara. Mengapa mobil sekelas itu jadi rebutan orang-orang? Oh iya tentu saja harga yang murah tapi kualitas lumayan. Lumayan... tidak begitu bagus tidak begitu jelek. Makanya laris.Menjadi umum. Tapi jadi bukan sesuatu yang istimewa. Bukan yang berbeda dari yang lain. Bukan satu-satunya. Maka membenarkan peristiwa sekarang dengan pertanyaan abadi setiap tertimpa musibah: "kenapa aku?". Orang-orang bisa begini begitu, sementara aku... kenapa aku..
Maka cuma satu alasan yang dapat dibenarkan: God pick me,Alhamdulillah. Untuk jadi sesuatu yang bukan seperti orang biasa. Bukan jadi orang yang lurus-lurus saja hidupnya. Inilah waktunya jadi seseorang yang spesial dengan masalah yang spesial pula. Jadi.. tak perlu bersedih dan memanas dengan kenyataan hari ini. Tak usah pula bertanya kenapa, karena jawabannya akan datang nanti. Selain itu... lihatlah betap indah semua pertanda akan hadiah istimewa yang datang nanti. Subhanallah.. aku mencintai Mu, untuk mencintainya. Ya kan?

Now I feel cool >_<

Hei kaum Adam!

2009-03-30T19:04:00.003+07:00

Sebuah review untuk kaum adam:

Dalam kepikiran yang tanpa ujung mengenai kodrat jiwa. Dalam sebuah realita yang penuh tantangan, tanda tanya hidup yang terus datang, keanehan-keganjilan akhri jaman,dan kodrat ini tetap akan meminta sebuah perlindungan.

Waktunya berbeda. Jaman ini tidak seperti dulu kala. Saat nya seorang suami atau pria memahami bahwa mobilitas seorang ibu tak bisa dipungkiri. Terlalu banyak kondisi yang tak bisa dihindarkan dalam sebuah kehidupan anatar pria dan wanita , bahwa wanita segera bergerak mengepulkan dapur, meyatakan eksistensi dan memaksimalkan potensinya. Walau ia seorang ibu, seorang wanita yang mengedepankan emosinya, mahluk yang tertarik barang-barang diskon dan hal-hal kecil menjemukan bagi pria.

Ayolah...
Buka hati dan mata, ibu bergerak untuk sebuah kebaikan juga. Bukan semata emansipasi, inilah tuntutan kehidupan jaman sekarang. selama dalam batas yang dibenarkan, wanita -wanita tertentu perlu sebuah ruang gerak.
Pahamilah kami.

Senyum ikhlas menerima kekuatan gerak kami dari para pria adalah restu tulus yang sama mulianya, ketika seorang wanita beribadah pada suaminya. Benar kan?

Tercetus dalam sebuah percakapan ringan ketika kami para wanita mengeluh, kenapa sih masih ada pria yang tidak melek bahwa wanita bekerja dan bergaul itu sah-sah aja?

Pesawat dan Wanita

2009-03-25T17:02:00.004+07:00

Ketika 3 wanita menatap layar kaca dengan gambar pilot yang beraksi di udara:

Wanita Satu : Ganteng deh pilotnya. Aku mau ah jadi istri pilot.(seleranya yang berseragam)

Wanita dua : Aku pilih jadian sama yang beli pesawat(seleranya pengusaha nih)

Wanita Ketiga : Ya sudah aku jadi istri yang bikin pesawat aja deh.

Ketika perempuan menghayal.com, dan ketiganya sedang jomblo.. maka terjadilah pembicaraan seperti itu. Walaupun cuma lewat layar kaca. Tapi bisa terlihat jelas selera masing masing lo.. >_<